Author: Philip Roth
Participants: Alex Portnoy, Thereal McCoy
Worst Line(s): "She pushes Drake's Daredevil Cupcakes (chocolate with a white creamy center) down over my cock and then eats them off of me, flake by flake. She pours maple syrup out of the Log Cabin can and then licks it from my tender balls until they're clean again as a little boy's. Her favorite line of English prose is a masterpiece: 'Fuck my pussy, Fuckface, till I faint.' When I fart in the bathtub, she kneels naked on the tile floor, leans all the way over, and kisses the bubbles."

Philip Roth invented thirst.