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Pick up lines set up a strange dynamic between a man and a woman. You walk away thinking you've paid her a compliment, she walks away feeling incensed and violated. Somehow, you're not on the same page here.
Let's set the record straight once and for all: Pick up lines don't work. Only cowards and cornballs use them, and we hope you're neither one. You can do better. Trust us when we say these 10 annoying pick up lines should never escape your lips. Like, ever.
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By Shanté Cosme (@ShanteCosme)
Send your anonymous sex and dating questions to [email protected], and we'll answer them in our new advice column, 99 Problems.
"God bless your mother for making you."
You want to thank her mother for making her, and do so by verbally assaulting her as she walks to work? That's twisted logic dude.
"Do I know you?"
C'mon, even you know you can do better than this. You both know you didn't go to the same college, or yoga studio, or party last Saturday, so stop with the BS, suck it up, and be real. Try "Hi" next time and maybe she won't be as surly.
"You're beautiful."
This "compliment," and all its variants, would be nice if she actually knew you and it wasn't whispered under your breath as she walks by. What's that you said, you're a serial killer? You might as well be. Stop doing this. You're creeping her out.
"Smile, sweetheart!"
This will ignite a quiet rage in her that will last until at least lunchtime. Who are you, the emotion Nazi? She's not a puppet that will smile on cue. Stop telling her how to feel, and fuck off.
"Is there a ninja in your pants? 'Cause your ass is kickin'."
If she laughs, rest assured it's at you, not with you.
"Ay girl. What that mouth do?"
Are you kidding, dude? Take this tip: You're not Chief Keef. But if you say that again, you will have a rap sheet, because she'll call the police.
"Oh damn," followed by a full body scan.
OH DAMN. Another unoriginal, lame-ass dude who probably hasn't had sex in months and is staring a hole through her pants. She'd get mad if it wasn't all so sad.
"I'd hit it."
She'll hit you if you say this, and she'll be totally justified in doing so.
"Excuse me miss, you dropped something.”
Ahh, the fake out. The one that makes her do a full pivot, when she's rushing to catch her subway, only to find you grinning like an idiot with no possession of hers in sight. She hopes you walk in front of a moving bus, guy. She really does.
Grunting in her direction
You sound like Billy Bob Thorton in Slingblade, mmmhmm. And we reckon you're a total creep if you can't even form discernible sentences in the presence of an attractive woman.
