Sounds like the customer is always wrong at this San Francisco coffee shop. If you're cool enough to drink coffee in the shop, you must adhere to certain rules. Most of them are obvious, but here's one that's sure to raise eyebrows:
"not talking about annoying hipster topics, or who you fucked last night. You shouldn't do that anyhow, but our neighbors actually can hear you."
That's how you can be respectful of their neighbors. How wonderfully douchey. And ironic.