The 10 Most Ridiculous Uses of Jiggle Physics in Games

In an age of free Internet porn and moderately priced escort services (not that we would know), it’s a wonder that people would still be so interested in endlessly bouncing jublees in video games.

But while some games may include a bounce here or there, some games go overboard with it. Like, way overboard. Here are ten such examples of outlandish jiggle physics in video games. Perv.

Out of all the games on this list, we actually sort of applaud the new game, Skull Girls, for not going too overboard with bouncing breasts. A lot of the ladies in this game are actually moderately sized and some are even flat chested, which leads to a lot for variety.

Not ALL girls need to pack massive mammeries, you know. But the thing is, this is an animated game, meaning, for some of the more buxom characters, somebody actually went through the trouble of making sure they bounced accordingly. Hmm. Well, at least it’s not as bad as some of the other games on this list.

We know that ladies are going to bounce playing volleyball—Yeah, we’ll admit it, it’s partially the reason we watch the sport during the summer Olympics—but the DOA girls take it to a new level.

Notorious for having some of the biggest breasts in the digital business, the DOA ladies having jiggling chests that big seems both impractical and even painful when playing a sport like Volleyball. Oh, well. We’re not complaining.

Being that many of the Outwordlians in Mortal Kombat are butterfaces (have you SEEN Milenna without her mask on?), it’s pretty ridiculous that pretty much all of the ladies in MK have jiggling jublees. Including, Sheeva. Yuck. Who’d want to hit that?

We know pretty much everything in Conker’s Bad Fur Day is in jest, including the giant boobs on some of its world’s occupants. But when you can actually use some of the character’s bouncing boobs as a springboard to get higher up in a level, well, that’s just ridiculous. At least the boobs are part of the plot, though. That we dig.

Ready 2 Rumble Boxing gets on this list because the boob physics isn’t even close to realistic. We’ve watched many a boob bounce (in the name of science, of course), and they don’t just wobble all over the place if a woman kicks out her foot. But in the world of Ready 2 Rumble, that’s par for the course. Hmm.

First of all, if Taki or Ivy had boobs as big as they do in real life, they would spend half of the round sitting down, massaging their lower backs.

And second of all, if a woman’s flat on the ground, face forward, with their breasts pressed against the floor, their boobs wouldn’t bounce at all. It’s not physically possible. Oh well. Again, we’re not complaining, we’re just saying.

Mai Shiranui is the queen mother of outlandish bouncing breasts. She was the first animated babe to really have them featured in a game and is still considered by many to be the female game character all bouncing breasts are judged off of. That’s quite the achievement, Mai Shiranui. You should be proud. We guess.

Okay, when one of your six-axis controller features is to make boobs wobble, you’ve stepped out of titillating territory and moved right into perv avenue.

Still, we find it humorous that there was actually a commercial made to showcase this special feature. We’re sure wives and girlfriends across Japan shook their heads simultaneously while their husbands and boyfriends nodded inversely.

While Sonic may have a fan base of older people who grew up with the blue blazer, we still tend to think that Sonic is mainly for children.

So, why in the holy hell does Rogue the Bat from the later series have giant boobs that BOUNCE? What were they thinking?! Who was these games even marketed to? Tsk, tsk, tsk, Sega. More games like Sonic Generations, and less games with bouncing bat ta-tas, please.

DOA: Beach Volleyball may have its fair share of bouncing gazongas, but would you believe it’s actually an improvement over the original DOA, which pretty much set the standard on how NOT to animate bouncing boobs?

In the original DOA, it’s almost an art at how perpetual the breasts bounce is. Kasumi can just flinch a finger and they’ll almost hit her in the face. It’s astounding, really. Tecmo, home of boiiiing.