Someone's been keeping a 73-year-old English woman up all night.
Doris Birch says she hasn't gotten much sleep during the past four months because a touchy-feely ghost won't let her rest. Birch gave an unintentionally hilarious account to Daily Mail, saying that the eager poltergeist is "like an octopus."
She added that she "frantically" kicks the ghost away, and even tried throwing her mattress off of the bed and buying a new one. She seemed surprised that the latter solution didn't work, but recruited a ghost whisperer who believes that it's a "lost spirit" who's molesting her in the wee hours of the morning.
Birch joked that she needed to call the Ghostbusters, but settled for a husband and wife ghost-hunting tandem. Maybe they'll get to the bottom of this, or just take her money and laugh all the way to the bank. Lastly, we have to ask what's worse: being felt up by an overzealous spirit or walking in on a supernatural bang-session?