Something is too jiggy at Miami's Balere Language Academy, a kindergarten-through-8th-grade charter school, the Miami Herald reports. By "too jiggy" we mean the school is allegedly hosting "raunchy" parties after regular business hours. By "raunchy"—if that image is any indication—the Herald means stacks of cash, yellow luxury vehicles, and all kinds of women bending over. For starters, anyway.

Unsurprisingly, Balere's principal denies the allegations, a claim complicated by parents' claims about finding empty bottles on school grounds. There are also all those Facebook pictures of the bumping and grinding tagged with the school's location.

Why didn't we attend middle school here? It would have been so much better than the hellish memories we've been spent hours in therapy trying to obliterate. If only we'd been born and raised in the county of Dade, then everything would have been different. Ungh.

[via Huffington Post]