Well, it happened...finally. Kate Middleton and Prince William got hitched earlier this morning. So, maybe now people will stop talking about it? Regardless of our feelings, the Royal Wedding is still a huge deal, and, of course, that means that people will pretty much find any way they can to make a few bucks off of it. The fact that these items are actually selling just goes to show that the best business model is apparently to slap Will and Kate’s faces on anything and toss it out into the marketplace. Here are eleven of the Most Ridiculous Royal Wedding Cash-ins.
We can’t help but wonder: If these gnomes and the Travelocity gnome got into a fight, who would win? Our money is on the one with the pointy red hat.
Toilet Seat Cover
Cue the crass “porcelain throne” jokes.
Because we know you were all dying to make your home smell just like the royal wedding may smell. So, while watching the festivities, you can feel like you’re actually there! Like scratch and sniff, but with fire.
Well, you sort of have to admit, this pizza from Papa John’s is pretty impressive. And probably delicious. Approved!
In what’s probably the sanest promotion of the wedding, Dunkin Donuts is offering heart-shaped donuts at 89¢ a piece until this Sunday. This is really only here to make the other items look more ridiculous.
Because it’s just not suitable to store your royal wedding pizza and donuts in a regular, not-completely-creepy fridge.
KaTea & William Tea Bags
Despite the cute play on words, it doesn’t at all make up for the fact that the teabags make it seem as if either Kate or William is taking a page from the Jersey Shore handbook and turning your tea into their personal Jacuzzi.
The description on this product's website speaks for itself: “Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure. Truly a King amongst Condoms.” But before you start whipping our your credit cards to get a piece of that, know that the fine print at the bottom of the website specifies that they don't actually work if used for sex. What a bust.
While most of us probably would have downed a handful of these jelly beans in an instant, it pays, literally, to take a closer look beforehand. You might find the future Queen of England’s face on one of them and end up making $815, the amount made by the couple who sold the bean on eBay.
Souvenir Mug – With The Wrong Brother's Face On It
This one shouldn’t really count, but it does just because it’s a hilarious fail. They don't even look remotely alike!
Just in case all that lovey-dovey fairytale romance shit makes you queasy. Or in case you eat a bad Royal Wedding donut and/or pizza.