Hear ye! Hear ye! This Saturday is Independence Day and although America is turning 233, our breasts are still as perky as ever! Today's Worldwide Wednesday is unlike any other that has come before it because it's about more than just acknowledging beautiful women---it's about capturing the American spirit. It's about things like rejoicing in the freedom to eat greasy fast food until you have to wear Costco sweatpants, or in this case, celebrating the liberty to gawk at scantily-clad women you'll never be able to sleep with.
So, to honor the Fourth of July, we've put together a list of honey dips from all 50 states who not only please the eyes, but also exemplify what it means to be a beautiful woman from the best country in the world. For those of you with short attention spans, you best pop an Adderall 'cause this list is a biggie. As for the rest of you, sit back with a cold sixer from Wisconsin, a bag of something sweet from California, and behold: the hottest women in the United States of America (in alphabetical order, of course)...
ALABAMA: Courtney Cox (Birmingham, AL)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: We've still got nothing but love for the girl that gave us an excuse to watch Friends. After all, Americans did invent the TV sitcom.
ALASKA: Sarah Palin (Wasilla, AK)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: What's more American than running for vice-president? If all else fails at least she can fall back on royalty checks.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM ARIZONA AND ARKANSAS!
ARIZONA: Emma Stone (Scottsdale, AZ)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This Superbad vixen convinced her parents to send her to Hollywood using a PowerPoint presentation. If that's not American wit, we don't know what is.
ARKANSAS: Bridget Hall (Springdale, AR)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She's modeled for just about every American designer that exists. Plus she did ad campaigns with Pepsi. Taste of a new generation indeed.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM CALIFORNIA AND COLORADO!
CALIFORNIA: Marisa Miller (Santa Cruz, CA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Sports Illustrated model? Yup. Victoria's Secret? Check. Sheep-lover? Check.
COLORADO: Eve Torres (Denver, CO)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Although this WWE diva is intimidating, we'd still love the opportunity to be on the receiving end of her scissor leg lock--- there's nothing quite like losing consciousness while tucked between the thighs of a beautiful woman.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM CONNECTICUT AND DELAWARE!
CONNECTICUT: Cassie (New London, CT)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: After graduating from prep school, Cassie decided she wanted to pursue a career in singing instead of attending college. It's the classic American story of prep school-to-penthouse.
DELAWARE: Teri Polo (Dover, DE)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Playboy cover girl and Meet the Parents co-star, Teri has what it takes to raise our flag pole.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM FLORIDA AND GEORGIA!
FLORIDA: Eva Mendes (Miami, FL)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This first-generation knock-out was raised by her Cuban parents who struggled to help propel Eva to stardom. Complex says: how charmingly American!
GEORGIA: Ciara (Atlanta, GA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Last we checked, the two-step is American as apple pie.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM HAWAII AND IDAHO!
HAWAII: Jarah Mariano (Kauai, HI)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: If it weren't for the colonizing paws of America, we easily could have lost former Complex cover girl Jarah to a country like Korea, or even China! Phew!
IDAHO: Torrie Wilson (Boise, ID)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This Wrestlemania star boasts her signature move "the stinkface," which is when she rubs her ass in the face of an opponent. You couldn't find this shit in any other country.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM ILLINOIS AND INDIANA!
ILLINOIS: Jenny McCarthy (Chicago, IL)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Jenny is quite possibly the only sex symbol who is known as much for her twos as she is for her toilet humor. Jim Carrey gets to Hawaiian muscle-fuck that.
INDIANA: Vivica A. Fox (South Bend, IN)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This cougar not only popularized the dental dam, she starred in Independence Day for Christ's sake. Salute!
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM IOWA AND KANSAS!
IOWA: Michelle Monaghan (Winthrop, IA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Michelle Monaghan is the most exciting thing to happen to Iowa since the potato harvester.
KANSAS: Chely Wright (Wellsville, KS)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She's a country-music singer. Country music, dammit!
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM KENTUCKY AND LOUISIANA!
KENTUCKY: Tara Conner (Russell Springs, KY)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Miss Kentucky USA 2006 became the subject of controversy when she was caught drinking underage in NYC bars, using cocaine, and kissing Miss Teen USA Katie Blair. Sounds like a solid Friday night to us.
LOUISIANA: Britney Spears (Kentwood, LA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: It's the classic American tale of a good, wholesome, Christian girl who is corrupted by the spotlight and falls into an ever-deepening spiral of drugs, sex, and crazy behavior. We like 'em crazy in the U.S. of A.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM MAINE AND MARYLAND!
MAINE: Ashley Underwood (Benton, ME)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: From the foggy shores and green forests of Maine, Underwood emerged unscathed as Miss Maine USA 2009. She was preceded by Bullwinkle J. Moose.
MARYLAND: Stacy Keibler (Baltimore, MD)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: This WWE superstar is known for her 42" legs. You can only grow stems that long on a steady diet of freedom fries and Miracle-Gro.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM MASSACHUSETTS AND MICHIGAN!
MASSACHUSETTS: Eliza Dushku (Watertown, MA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Eliza's character on Dollhouse makes us forget that Barbie was the illest doll who ever did it.
MICHIGAN: Reagan Gomez-Preston (Detroit, MI)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED:She debuted her face in The Parent 'Hood; she debuted her twos on the cover of King.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM MINNESOTA AND MISSISSIPPI!
MINNESOTA: Jessica Biel (Ely, MN)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: We knew her from our days as grasshoppers on 7th Heaven; we grew to love her after she showed off her birthday suit in Playboy. God bless America.
MISSISSIPPI: Lacey Chabert (Purvis, MS)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She played the cold-hearted Gretchen Weiner in Mean Girls and we loved every second of it... not that we saw Mean Girls.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM MISSOURI AND MONTANA!
MISSOURI: Jenna Fischer (St. Louis, MO)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: We don't really believe in office romance, but this fair-skinned secretary from The Office could get us to rethink our don't-shit-where-you-eat policy.
MONTANA: Tera Patrick (Great Falls, MT)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Hard work is the key to success in America—just ask this fuck-doll who catapulted herself to success using KY, double-sided dildos, and a little extra elbow grease.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM NEBRASKA AND NEVADA!
NEBRASKA: Gabrielle Union (Omaha, NE)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Fuck a confederate flag, we're riding with the Union.
NEVADA: Jenna Jameson (Las Vegas, NV)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Jenna is the quintessential American girl. She's faker than Vegas and is always ready for a money shot.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE AND NEW JERSEY!
NEW HAMPSHIRE: Mandy Moore (Nashua, NH)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Her name is almost synonymous with virginity and Christianity... it's sickening.
NEW JERSEY: Christina Milian (Jersey City, NJ)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Finally, Jersey gets represented in Worldwide Wednesday.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM NEW MEXICO AND NEW YORK!
NEW MEXICO: Demi Moore (Roswell, NM)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: It might be genetics or it might be plastic surgery, but this cougar is hotter than her daughter. Ouch.
NEW YORK: Jennifer Lopez (The Bronx, NY)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: It's Jenny from the block and she ain't talking Eastern Europe.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM NORTH CAROLINA AND NORTH DAKOTA!
NORTH CAROLINA: Evan Rachel Wood (Raleigh, NC)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Dating a creeper like Marilyn Manson was Evan's own pursuit of happiness.
NORTH DAKOTA: Leslie Bibb (Bismarck, ND)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Yeah, she starred in Confessions of a Shopaholic but she's not getting a dime from us until she works for it. Ya dig?
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM OHIO AND OKLAHOMA!
OHIO: Halle Berry (Cleveland, OH)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Let's be real: Swordfish topless scene, strip scene from Monster's Ball, and Hurricane Chris.
OKLAHOMA: Olivia Munn (Oklahoma City, OK)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Olivia understands what it takes to be an American sex symbol. She plays video games, or at least pretends to, and has a great set of twos.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM OREGON AND PENNSYLVANIA!
OREGON: Holly Madison (Astoria, OR)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: What's more patriotic than supporting Viagra sales?
PENNSYLVANIA: Kelly Monaco (Philadelphia, PA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She won the first season of Dancing With the Stars. They say if you can dance, you can fuck.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM RHODE ISLAND AND SOUTH CAROLINA!
RHODE ISLAND: Mena Suvari (Newport, RI)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She likes apple pies, but can we interest her in a cream pie?
SOUTH CAROLINA: Angell Conwell (Orangeburg, SC)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She starred in Soul Plane, which is all the cred you need to make it to Worldwide Wednesday.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM SOUTH DAKOTA AND TENNESSEE!
SOUTH DAKOTA: January Jones (Sioux Falls, SD)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Some girly boy-band once had a song about girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch—we finally understand why. This Abercrombie model looks great in nothing but a tiny jean skirt.
TENNESSEE: Megan Fox (Oak Ridge, TN)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED:Simply... the... hottest... girl... ever.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM TEXAS AND UTAH!
TEXAS: Beyoncé Knowles (Houston, TX)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She's a talented woman with an ear for good music and an even better voice. We respect a woman who can do her own thing even when she doesn't have to.
UTAH: Julianne Hough (Provo, UT)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She's a two-time winner of Dancing with the Stars and sings country music too. Can't get much more American than that.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM VERMONT AND VIRGINIA!
VERMONT: JoJo (Brattleboro, VT)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: In America, the age of consent is 18 years old. Happy birthday JoJo!
VIRGINIA: Sandra Bullock (Arlington, VA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: We think of Sandra like an old American flag. Sure, it doesn't look like it once did but it still stands for something beautiful.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM WASHINGTON AND WEST VIRGINIA!
WASHINGTON: Anna Faris (Edmonds, WA)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: She's like a new-age Jenny McCarthy. We're just waiting for her to stop playing a Playboy Bunny in movies and actually become one.
WEST VIRGINIA: Skylene Montgomery (Parkersburg, WV)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Miss West Virginia 2008 is as American as a Slinky or a Lifestyles condom.
CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE SEXIEST WOMEN FROM WISCONSIN AND WYOMING!
WISCONSIN: Heather Graham (Milwaukee, WI)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Rumor has it Heather Graham can cook a bratwurst in her cleavage in under five minutes.
WYOMING: Cynthia Pate (Casper, WY)
ALL-AMERICAN CRED: Yeah, she's nothing too special but why don't you try going to Wyoming. Ain't shit going on there.