As another day slogs by in the seemingly interminable march toward Inauguration Day and the start of the The Sunshine and Puppies Administration, Bush the Younger has finally ended his silence and held his last press conference. Nothing too crazy happened'unless you count his using the word "misunderestimated," which is pretty much par for the course with him'but it did give us occasion to root back through the past eight years and come up with the definitive catalog of his most greatest press conference performances of all time.
Watch them now and sound like a news junkie all week, and maybe even dazzle a young impressionable Obama volunteer who then lets you give her a Honolulu Mudslide in the break room at her student paper's office...
PWNED BY A RADIO REPORTER, OCTOBER 2003
• After a Rose Garden presser, Bush calls on Mark Smith, a radio reporter for the AP and trots out a horrible clichÃƒÂ© (one he's apparently fond of):
Smith: Thank you very much, sir, for including our radio folks here.
Bush: A face for radio!
Smith: I wish I could say that was the first time you told me that, sir. (Laughter.)
Bush: The first time I did it to a national audience, though. (Laughter.)
Smith: Actually, it was my wife the last time.
"WILL THIS BE ON THE FINAL EXAM?", APRIL 2004
• After a White House press conference, a reporter asked Bush "After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have you learned from it?" The response?:"I wish you would have given me this written question ahead of time, so I could plan for it. John, I'm sure historians will look back and say, gosh, he could have done it better this way, or that way. You know, I just -- I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with an answer, but it hadn't yet." The transcript can't possibly do it justice--your boy was pausing more than Gus Johnson.
"HECKUVA JOB, BROWNIE", SEPTEMBER 2005
• Katrina + FEMA + Dubya = Hey, everything's fine! Mission accomplished!
SLOW ROAD FROM CHINA, NOVEMBER 2005
• After cutting a testy Beijing press conference short, Bush thought he could beat a hasty retreat. Nope! Best moment: the look on face when he stands totally frozen. This is the expression of a man who has no idea what he's doing. You'd think after eight years of it, his face would have frozen that way.
BAD MAN NAH GO WATCH BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, JANUARY 2006
• After a speech at Kansas State, an audience member asked if Bush, an amateur rancher (seriously, this guy clears more brush than Don King) had seen the man-love film classic--and GWB proceeds to say that he hasn't seen it, oh, 74 times or so. (The fun starts at :28)
AN EYE FOR AN EYE, JUNE 2006
• Legally blind LA Times reporter Peter Wallsten has a degenerative eye disease, and wears sunglasses to protect his eyes from UV rays. Which didn't stop Bush from making fun of the poor bastard.
SCALP DEM, AUGUST 2007
• After a Q&A session, while posing with UK prime minster Gordon Brown, W said to BBC's Nick Robinson, "You'd better cover up your bald head, it's getting hot out."
Robinson: "I didn't know you cared."
Bush (Walking away): "I don't." (fast-forward to 6:25)
SEEING INTO ANOTHER MAN'S SOLE, DECEMBER 2008
• After a joint speech at the Iraqi Prime Minister's house in Baghdad, Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up and let fly his lace-ups, shouting "This is a kiss of goodbye, you dog!" A for effort, D for aim.