Cuffing season is over. Whether winter had you wifed up or hibernating solo, it’s time to come outside again. Dave 1, one-half of Chromeo, whose new album White Women is out now, has tips on how to seduce women as you cannonball back into the dating pool.
Interview by Claire Lobenfeld
Where is the best place to meet a woman?
Whole Foods. You know they’re probably health-conscious, environmentally friendly, and not broke if they can afford Whole Foods. They want their açaí berry and their papaya scrub, but they can also pay for dinner. And everyone is in a bad mood at Whole Foods. The lines are crazy, the
People expect you to make moves on them, so pretend to be this platonic asexual being, and next thing you know you’ll have her tuchus on your chin.
food court’s a mess, the bathrooms are not always clean…. If you can actually get someone to talk to you there, that means you’ve got game. Finding a mutual thing to complain about is a great first step. Like, “Do you know where the papaya is? I don’t think there’s any left! What the hell!” Or “Can you believe it? I got the last flaxseeds! Isn’t flaxseed amazing? I love it. I know this amazing place. We should go next time.”
Now that you’ve nabbed her, how do you ace the first date?
Get your 19th-century dandy on. Impeccable manners. Sophistication without snobbery. There’s nothing wrong with being like that forever, but you also have to know when to switch it up. You set yourself up so that down the line, when you have to do a number two in her apartment, she’ll be like, “Phew! He’s human!” and welcome it with open arms.
How do you seal the deal?
Honestly, in this day and age, do nothing. People expect you to make moves on them, so pretend to be this platonic asexual being, and next thing you know you’ll have her tuchus on your chin. No game is the new game. No moves is the new move. She’ll want to test out your sexuality, like, “Yo, am I even turning him on? Is he remotely interested?” She’s gonna go into attack mode. So you do nothing, pretend to be really philosophical, like, “Do you believe in God? I don’t know.” Just ask stuff like that. And the next thing you know, you’re in.
If you end up in the friend zone, how do you get out?
When you’re in buddyville you can be super forward. You can talk about sex and pretend you’re just opening up, but really you’re bragging. You can be like, “I don’t know, I guess I love going down on girls more than they like going down on me. That’s fine. Who cares?” And the girl is like, “Wait, what did I just pass on?” The worst way to stay in the friend zone is to be the amazing friend. Like, “Yeah, tell me about your problems!” You can do that, but what you want to portray is this hypersexualized love beast. You go, “We never really had our moment. It’s cool. Next lifetime. Wink, wink.” And she’s like, “Shit, next lifetime? That’s actually a long time. Fuck.”
CHECK OUT CHROMEO'S KARAOKE SKILLS IN OUR EXCLUSIVE VIDEO:
RELATED: Chromeo at SXSW (Video)