Alabamians are facing what is somehow being projected as a difficult decision today: Should they cast a vote for an alleged molester of children and wannabee cowboy, or a progressive named Doug Jones? For anyone outside the state of Alabama whose name isn't Donald J. Trump, the choice is clear. For many anthropomorphic mayonnaise jars who reside in the state, however, they'd rather toss a steamer in the proverbial gene pool by fully supporting Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore.
In a harrowing new Vice News segment, Republican strategist Frank Luntz gathered up a group of self-described Christians in the (otherwise quite cool) city of Birmingham, Alabama to chop it up about Moore's endless list of presumed violations of the Christian code.
"Just because I don't go to church every time the doors are open doesn't mean I don't believe. And God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but he does expect to try and repent of our sins," Rhonda Richardson, a nursing assistant, said while apparently forgetting that she was here talking about this guy.
Scottie Porter, a real estate developer, basically admitted that he's only voting for Moore because he's not a Democrat. "He's not my choice," said Porter, the kind of guy who would probably complain about expired Arby's coupons. "I'm not voting for him because I like him. I'm voting for him because I don't want Doug Jones. But Roy Moore is entitled to the presumption of innocence in the law and the Bible just like anybody else should be. These are only accusations. There have been no charges filed."
Porter's trash emissions prompted the most damning comments of all, with Luntz pressing the group to explain their aversion to believing the accounts of multiple women. Chuck Moore, a retired sales consultant and full-time POS, suggested multiple accusers were paid or coerced to come forward. When Luntz asked the group who among them believed "all" the women accusing Moore had been paid, multiple hands went up.
"You know, it doesn't sound like it went beyond . . . there was still clothes on," said Jane Wade, a homemaker and apparent supporter of thirty-somethings sexually pursuing teenagers. "It doesn't sound like it went beyond anything. And as soon as the girl said she wasn't comfortable, he took her home." Asked to clarify if she was blaming the victim, Wade offered this little gem: "I'm not blaming her. I'm blaming both of them."
Of course, as mind-numbing as we may feel this video is, there's clearly a sector of voters down in Alabama who will somehow find it relatable. Instead of just mocking them, why not make sure anyone you know (even tangentially) in Alabama is actually hitting the polls today?