Ideally, we could all enjoy this month's total solar eclipse without ludicrous shit like South Carolina's definitely-not-real Lizard Man and whatever the hell this guy on Craigslist is blabbering about.

There's a lot going on in this ad from an alleged 40-year-old "Caucasian male from Europe," spotted (and appropriately mocked) by GQ Thursday. At the top of the ad, the poster rather suspiciously speaks of how "strong and pure" his "heritage" is.

And that's it. Pretty wild, right? Just kidding. This ad, which may very well be a hastily assembled fake aimed solely at getting coverage from GQ and Complex and a growing number of other publications, also has quite a bit to say about the poster's desire for a "worthy female with strong genes" to join him in Oregon to engage in sexual intercourse during the eclipse.​

"When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution," the ad promises. The poster also notes that his penis will be pointed directly at the Sun for the duration of this hypothetical coitus, during which participating individuals will "understand everything, and together, create a new universe." Sure, guy.

Anyway, the ad's only listed qualification is a love of cats. Drugs and nitrous oxide, apparently, have also been pre-approved by the this guy. The original post has since been deleted, but Jezebel tracked down a link to another post with strikingly similar wording. 

Craigslist
Image via Craigslist

Also, in case the tone of this article didn't make this clear enough, we do not in any way recommend actually responding to Craigslist ads rife with phrases like "my heritage is strong and pure" and "penis directed towards the Sun."