Conceptually speaking, we are all trapped inside an ATM. Nefarious forces keep approaching us, all trapped inside the tiny box that capitalism built, and we are forced to emit various amounts of cash while arguably receiving nothing in return. It's not fucking fun.
That's why this story out of Texas is a little too on the nose for my tastes, but I digress. A supremely unfortunate individual in Corpus Christi found himself literally trapped inside an actual ATM Wednesday for about two hours, CBS Newsreported. For unknown reasons, the man— a contractor who was changing a lock when he got himself stuck in a small room connected to the ATM—did not have his phone on him at the time. Thus, he had to resort to handwritten notes.
"Please help," one note, sent through the receipt slot to surely perturbed Bank of America customers, said. "I'm stuck in here and I don't have my phone. Please call my boss."
Understandably, note-receiving customers initially thought the whole ordeal was an elaborate joke. Corpus Christi police also made the joke assumption until, to their surprise, a "faint voice" from within the machine confirmed this was indeed an entirely joke-free scenario.
"Everyone is OK, but you will never see this in your life, that somebody was stuck in the ATM, it was just crazy," Richard Olden, a Corpus Christi cop, toldKZTV. To rescue the contractor from the throes of ATM prison, police were forced to kick down the door. Similar attempts to rescue everyone else from the throes of capitalism, however, remain unsuccessful.
But, hey, at least we got plenty of self-aware jokes out of this:
We are so very fucked.
