Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
So your girl cheated on you, huh? You're locked away at home cursing that bitch’s name while contemplating how you can realistically get away with murdering her. Meanwhile, you're overlooking the reason she crept in the first place. It could be that she's a trife slut you should've never trusted, but there’s a good chance that it’s deeper than that. Dudes seem to cheat out of a primitive need to, but women generally have motives: emotional neglect, sexual frustration, vengeance. Let’s go over the evidence.
YOU STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION
After the preliminary bullshit of dating, guys stop trying. You don’t get out of your sweat pants to see her and you've got no problem admitting that you're too broke to take her to dinner—honeymoon's over! Work harder to keep her happy, otherwise, what's the motivation for loyalty? When you blow her off for a late night at “the office” (we know you’re smoking weed with your boys), she's at the crib texting hot male co-workers and trying on tight dresses to go out in. Women need constant reassurance, so if you don't give us attention, we're going to seek it elsewhere.
THE SEX IS WHATEVS
Even if the sex is great in the beginning, that doesn't mean it will last forever. The most explosive sex can become mundane with the same person. It's no one's fault. Sometimes girls just crave new dick. After eating the same awesome flavor of ice cream for months, wouldn’t you still want to try another flavor eventually? Such desires don’t justify cheating, but if you can sense the romance slipping away and don't lift a finger or boner to stop it, someone else will reignite the spark for her. Have a conversation and discuss what you need to do to get the intensity back.
SHE'S TRYING TO PROVE A POINT
Remember how you promised that you were going to build her a new closet and take her to your parents’ house and get a better job so you could go on more vacations? She didn't forget about any of it, and now that you've been together for two years with nothing to show for it, she's going to fuck someone more successful and call it “revenge.” Whether her needs are material or emotional, there will always be some temporary jerk to provide her with them if you don't. Leave a woman feeling unfulfilled and she'll go get filled by someone with more to offer.
FEAR OF MISSING OUT
Cheating doesn’t always come from a place of bitterness or hatred. Sometimes it's just a selfish need-turned-mistake. Desire fluctuates when you’ve been with a guy forever. We start checking out other dudes around the way and going through sexual scenarios in our head. Eventually we have make a decision: stay with our man and wonder what we're missing or fuck around and regret that shit forever. It's a romantic gamble, and it’s usually not worth it, but some girls are willing to take the risk.
YOU CHEATED FIRST
A lot of girls stay with their man after he cheats. Afraid of being alone, they force themselves to get over the betrayal and believe there's hope for reconciliation, but the pain always stays present beneath the surface. In every fight, cheating is the first thing she'll throw in your face and use against you. One day that won’t be satisfying enough and she’ll need to know how it feels to be on the other end of the ordeal. You’ll probably never know about it either.
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People have been cheating for centuries. The only reason why it seems like it happens more these days is because of TMZ and people leaving digital trails. The best you can do is be a good boyfriend you can be and hope your girl never plays you. If she does, you're not a worthless excuse for a man, no matter how many Lil Wayne songs tell you otherwise. What you need to ponder is whether you're going to save that hoe and get the relationship poppin' again. Trust, the makeup sex will be fire.
c.lo September 16th, 2011 at 05:26 PM
i dont think all women have attention spans that small...sounds like whoever wrote this has had some relationship problems in their past.
Angel September 18th, 2011 at 10:00 AM
Not to sound sexist or anything but what this is doing is simply placing the blame back on the man. Somehow trying to justify cheating which is stupid. Cheating is cheating and whoever does it be it the male or the female it is wrong. To say that males do it out of nature is sexist and to somehow try to justify why females do it is simply trying to make it okay. To say that man cheat out of nature is ridiculous. Men cheat for all the same reasons listed above AND NONE ARE OKAY.
Phunkadelic September 19th, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Seriously I Love Tabatha's blog on mttmnyc but this shit is just straight BS! If your man doesn't give you the attention/sex or what ever you want.. you should talk about it. This is just a stupid excuse to try to get away with cheating. There is never a reason to justify cheating. If you wanna date or sleep with someone else you should not be in a relationship.
bluesquid September 19th, 2011 at 01:52 PM
Whoever wrote this has the brains and integrity of a ghetto whore. This life is about relationships, sexual or otherwise. If you lack loyalty to one guy, you will lack it with another and the real "you" will be exposed. Not what you cover up with petroleum based makeup and over marketed Chinese made apparel. The "you" that is a selfish, vapid, and ugly "you"
Cat September 20th, 2011 at 10:35 PM
Tabatha darling, much love forever but you need to go to school. Maybe look into a writing internship. This is quality enough for your blog but not here.
Victor November 10th, 2011 at 11:02 AM
I thought women cheat because they're too mentally weak to be an adult and tell a guy that it's over with, then move on without having to cheat on him. It sometimes helps to not be a lying whore. More little child mentality. Sometimes men become jaded when they meet too many little mental cases with spoiled little girl brains.
TJ January 19th, 2012 at 04:36 AM
These pieces have to be written for teenage girls and silly young women, because they're so devoid of common sense as to be laughable. I particularly got a kick out of the "Why Men Want To Save a Hoe" article, or whatever it was called. What would a woman know about why a man does anything? Reminds me of Dave Chappelle's stand-up... "100 Things To Do To Please Your Man", written by some woman. Pure comedy, however unintentional.