A Field Guide to NYC Douchebags

The Native "I Miss the Old New York" New Yorker Douche

Don't worry if you couldn't tell that he is "from here," he is going to let you know. Little is more interesting to this douche than casually mentioning that he is "born and raised." When he meets another of his kind, they will instantly get into an in-depth conversation about the undeveloped neighborhood they grew up in and how much cooler it was before everyone thought it was cool. Though he doesn't loathe you as much as he does tourists, be careful not to mention anything involving local politics or gentrification. Unless you can Marty McFly your way back in time and convince your parents to raise you on the Lower East Side, you are not entitled to an opinion. 

1. Eyes narrowed in disdain for tourists
2. Shirt from closed bar that was actually cool, unlike current bars in existence
3. Sandwich from favorite bodega where they know his name
4. Cigarette accompanied by complaint about smoking ban
5. Moleskine for journaling the loss of "his city" 
6. New York mag, obvi

Related Douche: The "Born in Ohio But I Should Have Been Born in Brooklyn" Douche, The Museum Douche

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