Ranking the Boston Accents in 'The Departed'
These are the fahking accents in 'The Departed.'
Image via Complex Original
11.
I think you'll agree that Boston Movies is a genre unto their own. The stories these movies tell differ—some are about heists, coming of age, or Sean Penn crying—but they're all connected by the blue collar soul of the city they take place in. The Charles River, the golden dome of the Massachusetts State House, and the Bahston Fahking Red Sawks. When you're watching a Boston Movie—oh, you know DAMN WELL you're in Boston. A lot of that feeling is due to the remarkably distinctive, infamous accent of the people who inhabit Boston. It's gruff and borderline grating, but it also signifies toughness and resolve. It, like every local you meet in Boston, is extremely unapologetic.
Since The Departed, which turns ten years old today, is the best Boston Movie ever made (*young, blond Matt Damon sulks next to a chalk board, Sean Penn continues to cry*), I wanted to revisit the movie and specifically key in on its many variations of Boston accents. Only two members of the main cast were actually from the Boston area (Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg), but they all put on accents. A movie so rooted in the tone and attitude of Boston, The Departed lives and dies on those things—but, as it happens, not all of them are good.
To examine and rank the accents in The Departed*, I enlisted some help from my friend Chris, a guy who's from the Boston area and who I'm pretty sure is a foremost expert on Boston Movies. This guy is so Boston that in college he watched Mystic River on his laptop by himself—while we were all in the room. Also relevant: he had a pretty thick Boston accent freshman year of college, but we teased him for it so much that by junior year it was almost gone. So, yeah, he's the right person to help with this ranking. Let's get to it.
*Blake Lively's Boston accent in The Town is the worst Boston accent ever performed on film. You cannot debate this.
10.Martin Sheen
Character He Plays: Captain Oliver Charles Queenan
Boston Guy's Assessment: Terrible. It sounds like he was trying to do his best JFK but ended up sounding exactly like Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons.
There's a part at the end of The Departed where Martin Sheen is asked, "Where's you boy?" and he says, "He's studying law at Notre Dame" in the worst Boston accent possible and it's the most painful part of the movie. I bet people spit on Martin Sheen when he visits Boston.
9.Vera Farmiga
Character She Plays: Madolyn Maddon
Worst Line: "Here's my cahd and a prescription for 20 Lorazepam."
Boston Guy's Assessment: Going into rewatching this, I remember Vera Farmiga having the worst accent by far. For a little while, I was second-guessing myself, and then... Every so often she throws in a ridiculous word like she has Boston accent tourettes.
I'm assuming that the second after Farmiga booked this role, she Googled "Boston accent" and stumbled across the well-known phrase, "Pahk the cah in Hahvahd yahd." She repeated the phrase a few times and was like, "Alright cool I'm good." Boston Guy is right: what makes her accent so grating in The Departed is how fiercely she mispronounces her Rs while pronouncing everything else TOTALLY NORMAL. It's wildly jarring.
8.Kevin Corrigan
Character He Plays: Cousin Sean
Boston Guy's Assessment: Corrigan's accent is definitely more of a New York accent, but it's good enough to get by.
My favorite actor Kevin Corrigan is basically playing Kevin Corrigan in The Departed, which is as amazing as it sounds, but it's also why he's smack dab in the middle of this list. Corrigan's a Bronx guy, and he sounds like one, but he's charismatic enough—and in the movie so little—that it doesn't really matter one way or the other.
7.Ray Winstone
Character He Plays: Mr. French
Boston Guy's Assessment: He doesn't really have much of a Boston accent. It's more Irish/English-sounding.
Yeah, so here's the thing: it's up for debate whether Mr. French is supposed to be from Boston. Ray Winstone is English, and at one point Mr. French does say "Slainte," the Gaelic word for "cheers," so it might be safe to assume that Mr. French is from across the pond. That being said, he still has a better Boston accent than Martin Sheen or Vera Farmiga.
6.Matt Damon
Character He Plays: Sergeant Colin Sullivan
Best Line: "Fahk you. Fahking fiyah fighter queeahs. Fiyah-men getting pussy for the first time in the history of fiyah. And pussy."
Boston Guy's Assessment: We get it, you're from Boston.
Boston Guy's beef with Matt Damon in this movie is that his accent is a little aggressive; too "in your face." That's probably true, and it's funny: if you watch Good Will Hunting and The Departed back to back, you notice how much more natural Matt Damon's accent sounds in the former. It's more lived in, less put on. But I just wanna say, the way Damon delivers the above line is the most Boston thing ever. The accent might be too much, but Damon really captures the insecure, eternally bubbling anger that courses through every Red Sox fan's blood. Whenever I visit Boston, I never feel safe, and it's specifically because every man in that city looks like this line sounds. But, since we are judging this competition purely on accents, Damon's falling short.
5.Alec Baldwin
Character He Plays: Captain Ellerby
Best Line: "I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You wanna smoke? You don't smoke? What are you, one-a those fitness freaks? Go fuck yahself."
Boston Guy's Assessment: Baldwin's accent is actually pretty good, but I can't help imagining his scenes as an SNL skit, which hurts his credibility.
Long Island's greatest son Alec Baldwin would later show off this Boston accent as Jack Donaghy in 30 Rock, so yeah, it does have a hint of parody to it. But as with Corrigan, Baldwin's charisma goes a long way towards making the accent believable. I also appreciate that Baldwin says "fuck" instead of "fahk" in this movie. Not every Bostonian is from Southie, so I don't mind hearing this more refined twist on the accent.
4.Jack Nicholson
Character He Plays: Frank Costello
Best Line: "I'm an ahtist. You give me a fuckin' tuber, I'll get you somethin' aht of it."
Boston Guy's Assessment: He did a good job not overdoing it—the accent felt pretty natural. Anyone can drop an R, but knowing when to add one is what makes you a real Bostonian.
See, I had always figured that Nicholson had one of the worst Boston accents in The Departed. I thought it was just a hodge-podge of noises tossed together. But that's why he's one of the best actors ever. While most everyone on this cast was reinforcing stereotypes with their Boston accents, Nicholson was teaching you that there's more to the accent than you could even imagine. Take a bow, Jack Nicholson:
3.
2.Leonardo DiCaprio
Character He's Playing: Billy Costigan
Best Line: "I'm nawt a cawp!"
Worst Line: "He was a cahpet layah at Jordan Mahsh."
Boston Guy's Assessment: Leo did a great job with the accent, minus some occasional excessiveness.
Are you surprised that Leonardo DiCaprio did something good in a movie? Do you think Matt Damon is sad that Leo is more Boston that he is? I bet that's why he did another Jason Bourne movie.
1.Mark Wahlberg
Character He Plays: Sergeant Dignam
Best Line: "Maybe. Maybe nawt. Maybe go fuck yahself."
Boston Guy's Assessment: Wahlberg killed it. He has my approval to play a guy from Boston any time he wants.
Mark Wahlberg is from Dorchester, a town whose name, when pronounced with a Boston accent, is the most New England thing ever. Dawww-chest-ahhh. Unlike Damon, Wahlberg seems to really remember what it sounds like to be from the region, and it pays off. Everything he utters in The Departed is so purely Boston, with the perfect amount of dropped Rs, a complete butchering of the hard-O sound, and a nice hint of impotent outrage that lends the accent its attitude. It's marvelous. Mark Wahlberg should only play people from Boston.