The 50 Greatest Dipset Songs
Excited that Cam, Jimmy, Juelz, and Freekey reunited? So are we. Check out the Harlem collective's best songs of all time.
Image via Complex Original
Pink Range Rovers, outrageous appearances on The O'Reilly Factor, refashioned Ramones logos, and verbal sparring with Jay-Z, Nas, 50 Cent, and Ma$e. In Dipset parlance, their movement was more than music. But beyond the absurdities and laughs the charismatic Harlem collective provided, there were countless great songs—dense, multisyllabic verses that turned brashness and obscenity into memorable art over butchered soul loops punctuated by cymbal crashes and ad-libs ("Ballin'!").
With Black Friday serving as the day that the Diplomats will do their first show together since reuniting, it seems like as good a time as ever to take a retrospective look at a New York City rap clique that was first compared to Wu-Tang Clan—and then became an entity all its own. With an emphasis on joints created by the original four members (Cam'ron, Juelz Santana, Jim Jones, and Freekey Zeekey), we offer the authoritative Complex list of The 50 Greatest Dipset Songs. You mad?
Written by Ben Detrick (@bdetrick)
#50. Diplomats "Real Niggas"
Nas and AZ already made a classic record ("Mo Money, Mo Murder") over this buttery O'Jays sample, but the Dips do it justice. As thundering as production from Fruity Loop Studio VSTi monsters like Lex Luger can be, we gotta admit—there's nothing like a '70s soul loop to yank at the heartstrings.
#49. Jim Jones f/ Ron Browz and Juelz Santana "Pop Champagne"
In a cagey move not entirely different from what he pulled with Kid Cudi's "Day N Nite," Jim Jones saw an underappreciated record with some legs and jumped aboard for the ride. Pretty slick, Willy. This Arabian-inflected models-and-bottles anthem also gave Ron Browz enough leverage to fling an ass-load of strikingly similar, Auto-Tuned songs at us until he vanished into the ether, boy.
#48. Cam'ron f/ Juelz Santana and Un Kasa "Take Em to Church"
Emblematic of the personal clashes that both sustained and ultimately handicapped Dipset's tenure as a formidable union, "Take 'Em to Church" aims vitriol toward Mason Betha, aka Mase, a former ally (who Cam also recently criticized for missing Huddy Combs' funeral). While not as intimate as Cam's mixtape disses towards Cardan—in one of those he referenced allowing the obscure Harlem rapper to sleep on his couch—it too proved the crew was as liable to snap on one-time friends as they were to dog-pile on strangers. Keep your frenemies close.
#47. Jim Jones f/ T.I. and Bun B "End of the Road"
Jones' debut album was completely geared toward feeding the streets. And there was no way a sped-up Janis Joplin sample of "Don't Cry" would get in the way of fulfilling that mission statement. On paper, teaming up with two other rappers of impeccable street pedigree made perfect sense. On wax, the triumvirate's rugged threats and charismatic belligerence make for an epic song.
#46. Chris Brown f/ Juelz Santana "Run It"
With Chris Brown's reputation now being that of a menacing abuser of women, it's easy to forget he was once just a goofy, overgrown puppy who liked to dance. On this minimalist fusion of crunk and R&B—see Usher's "Yeah" for another saw-synthed example—Chris invites Juelz along to beat the track up. Whoops. Anyways, this also stands as the only song Dipset was involved with that hit No. 1 on the pop charts. Wait till you see my A!
#45. Jim Jones f/ Juelz Santana "Emotionless"
Better known for sneering bravura, Jones wades into deeper waters with this paranoid but unapologetic record about the joys and hazards of the criminal lifestyle. Juelz pitches in, going ursine with his similes: "Believe me, I'm like a bear that ain't get his porridge," he explains.
#44. Juelz Santana "There It Go (The Whistle Song)"
The Dips have never been shy about making tracks to fit the contemporary musical landscape. So when everyone was jocking über-minimalistic "snap" beats, Juelz was happy to supply this stripped-down club banger—and it was one that joined Peter, Bjorn and John's "Young Folks" as hits utilizing a human whistle. Taking the Dips' malleability into account, we expect—no, demand—a Four Loko anthem.
#43. Cam'ron f/ Jim Jones "Hate Me Now"
As an outspoken and easily offended crew, Dipset has never lacked for rivals. Their run-in with the Bravehearts—the result of Nas dissing Cam's album during the Jigga/Esco drama—provided plenty of comedic moments: Jim Jones' cleanliness was called into question, and here, over the "Hate Me Now" instrumental, Cam threatened to "R. Kelly" Nas' daughter, while One-Eyed Willie introduced the brilliant concept of kufi-smacking. In the rap world, it was the equivalent of the "eureka moment" when some thirsty fuck realized we could drink cow's milk: "Wait, kufis can be...smacked?!?"
#42. Diplomats "Salute"
While the song itself was pretty standard Dipset fare—harsh synths, greasy lyrics about going from a chick's ass to her mouth—it only took an intro with Jones barking at a waitress ("Think I give a fuck about sparklers? I'm tryna get drunk!") and his opening four bars to remind us of what we'd been missing during the crew's hiatus. Although this reunion record validated all the talk of the Diplomats finally getting back together, tinges of disappointment are here too: We'll probably never see the full potential of an extended Diplomats crew that could have included Cam, Jim, Juelz, Max B, Hell Rell, and Vado.
#41. Cam'ron "357"
Let's just say that Cam's introductory track with Undeas Entertainment did little to disguise the wittiness, vulgarity, and asshole tendencies that would entertain us for years to come: "Kidnap your family/Make your brother eat your mother out/After I done dug her out/Needless to drug her out/Pillows to smother out." A colorful classic—not so different from Tom Selleck's Hawaiian-shirt-and-mustache combo.
#40. Cam'ron f/ Jim Jones "Fly Boys"
Jones has absorbed a fair share of criticism for being better at talking smack than rapping, but the Capo crushes "Fly Boys." Watch him go in: "I thought I mastered the plan/Until I heard three knocks/Next question I was asking the man/How much longer in the back of this van/Got my fingers all swollen from these cuffs that you clapped on my hand." Solid.
#39. Cam'ron "Girls, Cash, Cars"
The Dips always loved those melodramatic operatic chants—most ridiculous on Juelz's "Monster Music"—but they're used here to menacing effect. Even though Killa Season failed to live up to the lofty standards set by its predecessor, Purple Haze, this is one of the album's few records that carried the same genetic material. Sort of like when Patrick Ewing Jr. made a couple 14-foot jumpers before getting cut in preseason.
#38. Juelz Santana f/ Cam'ron, Sizzla "Shottas"
Why does Sizzla sound so freaking gleeful when he sings "I love killing you fools" on this joint? He makes it seem like a good murder is the equivalent of finding a cellphone filled with exceedingly dirty photos of Eva Mendes getting busy with some new, previously unknown Kardashian that has an even bigger ass. "Shottas" is technically a Juelz record, but Cam comes with his typically excellent gangster shit—with a Jamaican twist: "Untuck the llama/Suck ya momma," he demands.
#37. Jim Jones "Reppin' Time"
Using a Cam'ron line from "Get 'Em Girls" as a chopped-and-screwed hook, this Jones single pulsed with dark, malevolent energy. It never approached the omnipresence of "Ballin'" in popularity, but it proved once again his ease in making a dope street record if supplied with a sick beat and a solid chorus.
#36. Purple City f/ Jim Jones "Purple City Byrd Gang"
Purple seats, lavender six. To really appreciate this hypnotic track, you have to watch the video. The dedication to the color purple is truly incredible: Sheist Bub wears an all-purple army suit, Un Kasa wears purple sneakers while riding on bike handlebars, and Jimmy dances in front of a white piano while holding a purple umbrella that's been turned inside out. Maybe there was some video chicanery to filter out other colors, but we don't care at all.
#35. Cam'ron f/ DMX "Pull It"
Hey, kids! Once upon a time, way before G.O.O.D. Fridays reframed the way music gets introduced to the sweaty masses, rappers used to put out singles on "vinyl." This track with DMX was on the flip side of ".357," a fact that is interesting because neither song even had a hook. Just a reminder that Cam—like Earl Sweatshirt or MF DOOM—is a word nerd first, no matter how much he tries to conceal it behind pink fur coats.
#34. Juelz Santana "Okay Okay"
It's impossible not to smile at Juelz's youthful—and, at times, almost comical—enthusiasm. He brings an undeniable energy and is always good for an amusing bar or two that will leave you thoroughly confused, even if you love the way it sounds. Here, for example, he boldly proclaims, "Harlem...only borough that was built on an island." Um, what about, say, Staten Island? And, if one wanted to further explore formalities of geography, both Brooklyn and Queens are part of Long Island.
#33. Cam'ron "That's Me"
As soon as Cam starting complaining over the apocalyptic strings about how people put "my food in the dark and then expect me to look for my plate on some Mr. Magoo shit," it was obvious he wasn't playing around on his second album. "That's Me" finds him irrational, disgusted, and disturbed ("We kill girls/Rape 'em/Bury the skirts"), but incredibly sharp lyrically. Ironically, at one point he nonchalantly states, "And I ain't got beef, I don't play them games/If I did though, believe me I would say y'all name," despite the fact that one of the singles from the album was "Let 'Em Know," in which he throws numerous subliminals at Jay-Z.
#32. Juelz Santana f/ Cam'ron "Murda Murda"
Plucking a hook from the same Ini Kamoze snippet Damian Marley sampled on "Welcome to Jamrock," this track shows Juelz at his most unhinged and aggro. "I'm Scarface, coked up/You know what?/I think I need another hit," he seethes over a G-funk synth whine. Then Cam drops by for one of those gnarly descents into absurdist assonance. Killa, killa, more killing, killing for Killa Killa!
#31. Diplomats "Purple Haze"
It's almost like this was a four-and-a-half minute weed break before getting into the rest of the album. Cam talks to his boy Tito about cracking the dutch, rolling the purple, and how the weed isn't purple through the hooks, in between dropping two incredible verses. He even ends the song because he needs to roll his own blunt after becoming paranoid that Tito might be lacing the blunt with dust.
#30. Cam'ron f/ Juelz Santana "More Gangsta Music"
On the low, "More Gangsta Music" is pure boom-bap rap. Throw Freddie Foxxx or Sir Menelik over that bitch and it's flying off the shelves at Fat Beats (R.I.P.). If that's not enough for you, there's Juelz showing off his deft ability to scream "yeah!" about 78 times during his verse without it becoming redundant, and Cam's slick color-scheme rhymes ("Slang all the white/Cruise with the tan/Pink on their back/Blue in their band/Yellow in his ear/Steam on the Roc/Purple in the air/Green in his pocket"). Now that's gangsta.
#29. Cam'ron f/ Lil Wayne "Touch It or Not"
Have you ever played the unedited version of this record in front of a girl who doesn't really listen to hip-hop? As the innocent bystander begins to comprehend the obscenity of Cam'ron's lyrics ("Would you like a tissue?/You gonna need it for the cum in your nose"), she starts looking shocked and indignant. Perfect! That means she's getting really moist in her nether parts, and she'll definitely have sloppy orangutan sex with you and hopefully rock your mic if she's really paying attention to the lyrics.
#28. Juelz Santana "Oh Yes"
It's amazing that neither Hell Rell nor J.R. Writer were ever able to muster a substantial hit, especially considering how effortlessly Juelz made records like "Oh Yes." Then again, Santana molding his abrupt flow around a clever vocal sample and rapping about bitches, drugs, guns, and ones seemed to be a formula that Dipset fans never tired of.
#27. Cam'ron "Leave Me Alone Pt. 2"
Yet another Killa classic off Purple Haze—and it's a far cry from Michael Jackson's single of the same name. If you ever find yourself in a nerdy rap argument about Cam'ron's lyrical merit, "Leave Me Alone Pt. 2" might be your best bet for swaying nonbelievers. First, there's the effortlessly multisyllabic rhyme schemes. Then there's the fact that Cam vows to splurge on electric chairs and play golf in the Gulf of New Mexico (a body of water that doesn't exist), references Joanie Loves Chachi, and likens himself to "the plant in Little Shop of Horrors," all in the same song. Who knew he'd prosper?
#26. Cam'ron f/ Memphis Bleek and Beanie Sigel "The Roc (Just Fire)"
The first track released following Cam's deal with Roc-A-Fella, this posse cut hinted at the potential serendipity of the combined East Coast movements. Bleek is his typical workmanlike, unremarkable self, but the real treat here is seeing syllable-wranglers like Beans and Cam'ron flipping strings of syllables like pies. Good times.
#25. Jim Jones f/ Juelz Santana and Cam'ron "Only One Way Up"
Good golly, that beat is tough. The demented guitars are the perfect backdrop for the Set to dumb out. No hook, just Juelz showing off an impressive fast flow, Cam'ron at his boisterous best ("I land on the water/There I go boasting again), and Jim Jones throwing out one of the most random but amazing ad-libs in the history of rap with "Kalina!" That would be Robert Kalina, his attorney, of course.
#24. Cam'ron "Dipset Forever"
There's no question Kanye's musical evolution has been exciting to witness (not to mention his accompanying girlfriends and chest-hair-exposing fashion choices), but goddamn, those soul samples he laced the Roc with were powerful. Here, Cam spouts some truly grimy shit over a sonic bed fit for a dozen frolicking baby unicorns.
#23. Cam'ron "Wet Wipes"
It's still a little shocking that Cam'ron could make such an amazing song about sanitary napkins. Keep in mind that the version that leaked and eventually ended up on Killa Season wasn't even mixed. It was just Cam spitting over a two-track from Alchemist. The video was shot at a time when Cam was taking a lot of shots at Jay-Z; it featured a hilarious cameo from Jimmie "J.J." Walker from Good Times, who spoofed the God MC. D-D-D-D-D-D-damn!
#22. Cam'ron f/ Dame Dash & Jim Jones "I Am Dame Dash"
On one of the weirder Dipset tracks, Dame Dash provides an intro explaining that he can't rap. And then Cam jumps in to act as his on-wax publicist. For all of Dash's questionable decisions—investing in Pro-Keds and America magazine for starters—we applaud him for always resisting the urge to spit some lukewarm bars.
#21. Jim Jones f/ Max B "Baby Girl"
One-Eyed Willie's verses are fine placeholders, but it's Max Biggavelli's woozy, sing-song hook that makes "Baby Girl" a winner. The whole situation with Max is depressing, but maybe the silver lining is that we were able to get a couple mixtapes and a few songs like this one before his propensity for spending time in 8-by-10 cement cells caught up with him. We miss you, Wavy Crockett.
#20. Cam'ron f/ Juelz Santana "Hey Ma"
You enjoyed "Oh Boy"? Well, here it is again: jolly-ass beat, languid lyrics, and a cameo from Juelz. Then throw in the popular, eponymous street holler for the hook and an interpolation of Lionel Richie's "Easy Like Sunday Morning." You didn't even have a choice in the matter—it's like putting a vat of Ben & Jerry's Mission to Marzipan ice cream in front of the Knicks' Eddie Curry and seeing what happens. In other words, a sure thing.
#19. Juelz Santana "Mic Check"
This bouncy number, with a video that featured the God MC Rakim Allah, couldn't have came at a better time for Juelz. After his debut, From Me to U, fell short of expectations, "Mic Check" immediately ratcheted up his buzz and got Def Jam on board for his sophomore album. It also came at a time when Juelz was coming into his own as a rising star. Who could forget the way he opened up by telling biters, "Don't watch me, watch T.V."? It was almost as classic as his necklace with a medallion that simply read "A," in homage to his trademark ad-lib. Shit's clean. Imposters, ain't no future in your font!
#18. Juelz Santana f/ Cam'ron "You Oughta Know"
When Billy Joel released "Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)" in 1977, he couldn't have possibly imagined that a couple of Harlem dwellers would co-opt it nearly three decades later, but we're sure glad they did. Despite the fact that the sample couldn't get cleared for an official release, Juelz and Cam trade enough witty bars to make sure this record goes down as one of Dipset's best. And honestly, all it took was Killa's "I used to drop Lewinsky off at the White House" line to convince us.
#17. Cam'ron f/ Jim Jones and Juelz Santana "Come Home With Me"
The title track off Cam's third LP, Come Home With Me, has a fantastic string sample and some particularly memorable lyrics that lionize their native borough: Killa discusses slapping his mother for throwing out his drug paraphernalia and Jones talks of carrying a ratchet at the tender age of 13. This is as close as the Dips get to social commentary—and it's wonderful.
#16. The Diplomats "DJ Enuff Freestyle"
We wonder how many elderly soul artists have had coronaries when they heard a Dipset track where their mellifluous crooning was hatcheted up and recreated as a musical backdrop for musings about duct-taping people's daughters. Aside from this five-minute blackout session being a perfect vehicle to accentuate the stylistic contrasts between Cam, Juelz, and Jim, it was one of the many instances where hearing Jones talk shit at the end of a song was more entertaining than actually hearing some dudes rap.
#15. Jim Jones f/ Max B "G's Up"
It was funny to watch people freak out about Pete Rock working with Jim Jones and Max B. But it was even more humorous seeing the same curmudgeons who always dissed the Dips making an exception for this track—solely because it was produced by the Chocolate Boy Wonder. If Araab Muzik was credited for those tinkling ivories, it would have been hate, hate, hate. It's too bad Pete Rock, Jones, and Max never tried to recreate the natural chemistry they demonstrated here.
#14. Cam'ron f/ Jay-Z and Juelz Santana "Welcome to New York City"
Besides being one of the many amazing dedications to New York that Jay-Z has been involved with over the years, this record is significant because it's the only song that Jigga and Cam have ever done together. Well, unless you count Jay dropping a verse on "Oh Boy (Remix)" that Cam'ron purposely had erased before it could be released. It's a shame too, because as Jigga and Killa trade lines in the final verse, you can't help but wonder how many more ill collaborations would have happened if they could have just gotten along.
#13. Cam'ron "Killa Cam"
Cam has a knack for finding—or having producers make amazing beats that incorporate—vocal samples of someone saying his name. This song is no different, with a sample of an obnoxious laugh (sounds like his own) added for good measure. Cam proceeded to unleash a torrent of quotables while talking about why he's the best. Some of our favorites were "Bitches, they want to neuter me," "Yellow diamonds in my ears, call them lemonheads," and "Range look like Laffy Taffy." If you need proof in regards to the Range, peep the end of the video for "Get 'Em Girls," when Killa's hot-pink Range Rover makes a special appearance.
#12. Jim Jones f/ Cam and the Game "Certified Gangstas"
On the bicoastal remake of Eazy-E's classic "Boyz-n-the-Hood"—one of those tracks you kiddies need to acquaint yourself with—the Dips recruited NWA descendant the Game and shot the video out in Los Angeles. It's a bloody good time, too: Jones eats a bowl of Corn Pops (we think) on the porch, and Cam dresses like he just completed a tour of duty in Yemen. Unfortunately, the version of the song that ended up on Jones' debut didn't feature Game's verse because 50 Cent wouldn't clear him.
#11. Juelz Santana "S.A.N.T.A.N.A"
As if "Santana's Town" wasn't abrasive enough, this quasi-sequel found Juelz bragging about being a preview of Matrix 12 and hinting that he might be taking rap Viagra, while his then 5-year-old nephew, Young Ja, contributed high-pitched warbles that somehow sounded threatening (no seriously). In an XXL interview at the time, Santana said he wanted to see his wee kicko grow up to be a doctor or gymnast. No word on whether or not Ja has lived up to his potential as a trapeze artist, but this track always made us flip out. See what we did there? Boo!
#10. Cam'ron f/ Kanye West and Syleena Johnson "Down and Out"
Cam's tenure with Roc-A-Fella yielded only a handful of collaborative efforts with Kanye West, but "Down and Out" was a gem. Despite the dubious physiological evidence supporting their claim that models possess the "juicest" cooches, the track bounces with a merry, soulful exuberance that makes Killa's raunchy wordplay sound somehow innocent. "Open vagina, put your legs behind your head" could almost go on a Hallmark card for your ailing grandmother. Or not.
#9. Jim Jones f/ Cam'ron and Juelz Santana "Crunk Muzik"
Like starting a liquor line named Sizzurp, the Dips' hectic and brilliant take on the burgeoning crunk movement was another savvy move embracing—or biting (depending on whom you ask)—the South at a time when Lil Jon was running this rap shit. For the video they showed off their love of The Warriors, using many reference points—face paint, baseball uniforms, roller skates—from the classic movie. The climatic moment appears to be when Jim Jones emerges from a bathroom stall bearing a metal chain and scowls at the camera. Whoop, whoop. Wah, wah. Beep, beep.
#8. Diplomats f/ Master P "Bout It Bout It"
Between "Bout It Bout It," "Push It," and "Certified Gangstas," the Dips have shown a healthy respect for their hip-hop forerunners—but also the courage to put their own spin on their revamped versions. The selection of this Master P classic, a track beloved everywhere but on the East Coast, illustrates why the Diplomats were one of the few New York groups to get love in the Dirty South. Lines from Cam like "Snow so white/Only thing missing the seven dwarves" didn't hurt either.
#7. Cam'ron "Get 'Em Girls"
If the world is destroyed by apocalyptic floods and fiery bukkake spurts of volcanic magma in 2012, we at least hope that the heavens open up and beautiful angelic voices croon "Killa, Killa, Killa" as we move the movement into the Rapture. This track showed Cam at his most wildly scatterbrained: We love the same "Get the 'puters putin'" line that 50 Cent later mocked like a fat kid who loves cake.
#6. Juelz Santana f/ Cam'ron "Dipset (Santana's Town)"
A perfect litmus-test track: To elderly ears, this was an abomination of horror-movie string stabs, discordant samples, machine-gun hi-hats, and frightening voices screaming, "Dipset! Dipset! Dipset!" But to the acclimated Dipset faithful, it was a blissful storm of riot music and Juelz Santana's chest-puffed piffery. It's like one of those weird machines that emit annoying sounds only young people can hear, just in reverse.
#5. Diplomats "I'm Ready"
There's beauty in the utter chaos of "I'm Ready." The vocal loop from Barbara Mason, ripped from the similarly named "Yes, I'm Ready," repeats endlessly, but the rappers take different approaches to attacking it: Juelz faithfully raps in two-bar increments and lets the sample breathe for the same, Jones clumsily raps over everything, and Cam sort of meanders between the two techniques. The result? A track with the giddy spontaneity of a freestyle session.
#4. Cam'ron f/ Juelz Santana "Oh Boy"
After the success of "Oh Boy," the Dips would return so faithfully to the combination of choppy, playful soul samples and smarmy, streetwise vocals that it became a signature sound. But this track was notable in other ways too: It utilized the tactic of "talking" to a sample, showed the commercial viability of those intentionally redundant rhyme scenes, and introduced Juelz as a hungry young prospect who could leave you bleedin' (oh boy), weezin' (boy), and screamin' (boy, boy, boy).
#3. Jim Jones "We Fly High (Ballin')"
You know a record is officially a smash hit when random people yell out the chorus without the song being played anywhere in their proximity. The New York Giants sacked an opposing quarterback? BALLIN! You heaved a wad of crumpled newspaper in the garbage can? BALLIN! Someone walked down the street and found a buffalo-head nickel lodged in a mound of dog shit? BALLIN! And when the DJ dropped it in the club, everyone and their mother did the crane-neck thing with their wrist after shooting a perfect jumper and looked like fleshy works of origami. The success of this record was so monumental that people began debating whether Jim Jones was the hottest member in Dipset. The video for the song would also be the last time Cam, Jim, and Juelz were seen together until they reunited earlier this year.
#2. Diplomats "I Really Mean It"
Jay-Z's Blueprint repopularized chirping vocal samples—for earlier examples of chopped crooning, peep Mobb Deep's "Still Shinin'" or Wu-Tang Clan's "Tearz"—but it quickly became a hallmark of Dipset production. Here, Just Blaze flips Major Harris' lounge-y "I Got Over Love" into a triumphant tour de force where Killa delivers unforgettable couplets like "Lock my garage/Rock my massage/Fuck it/Bucket by Osh Kosh B'Gosh/Golly, I'm gully/Look at his galoshes." If you don't love that shit, you probably have the swag of a sea cucumber. Take a couple bars off, let Just live.
#1. Diplomats "Dipset Anthem"
For the lead single of their debut album, Dipset repurposed Scarface's line from the Geto Boys' classic "Mind's Playin' Tricks on Me" and transformed it from a mentally weary lament into exuberance. The Dips were serving notice that they were coming for blood and didn't care who got in the way of their movement. Juelz even took shots at his own label boss, Jay-Z, shouting out "Cam for taking over the Roc." Surely this blatant sign of disrespect didn't help the already frail-to-nonexistent relationship between Jay and Cam. And then there was the magnificent bass line, which was so distinct it could be recognized humming subsonically from the back of a Yukon truck three blocks away. It was almost as if hearing "Dipset Anthem" reverberating through the mortar and brick of your home legally obligated you to fling aside that bag of 3-D Doritos, lunge heavily off the couch, and start bellowing about "listening to gangsta music." Aye!