Stephen Colbert Drops Confessions on His Sex Life, Celebrities, and More on 'Late Night'

Stephen Colbert confesses his gravest sins to the studio audience on 'The Late Show.'

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Complex Original

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Stephen Colbert's "confessions" series—wherein the audience is his priest, and he repents for his "sins" by laying bare his deepest secrets—continued Friday night on The Late Show for its fourteenth edition. It was also, notably, one of the few moments of the show Colbert chose not to get political.

Below, a run-down of Colbert's most deeply held confessions.

On his athleticism: "I eat trail mix to feel like an endurance athlete. Well, I'm really just binging on M&Ms and peanuts," Colbert says, shoving a fistful of trail mix in his mouth.

On his athleticism, part II: "Sometimes, I pretend to run a marathon just go get a free cup of Gatorade."

On the afterlife: "Sometimes I worry that when I get to heaven I won't have anything to talk about with George Washington. So, George, did God let you grow your real teeth back or what?"

On his sex life: "I tell people I don't believe in casual sex, but the truth is sometimes I don't wear a tie."

On his tech-savviness: "I like to impress people by telling them I have a self driving car. And they are impressed, until they see the brick on the accelerator." 

On education: "During parent-teacher conferences, I stop paying attention. And the parents start to suspect I'm not really a teacher."

On celebrities: "The first time I heard 'Brangelina,' I thought it was a high-five or a cereal."

On being domestic: "I have never cleaned my oven ... I just move every few years," Colbert adds. Honestly, same.

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