Life hack: there's nothing better than plugging random words into Advanced Twitter Search to dig through the crates of your favorite celebrities' past tweets. It's been about seven years, give or take, since stars started joining Twitter, which means the website also functions as an archive of all the weird musings of the most famous people in the world. And since it took a while before celebrities began to truly understand how to use Twitter as a self-promotional tool, most celeb tweets blasted out from about 2009 to 2012 are surprisingly pure and unpolished. For example, searching "German" and "JustinBieber" yields this very interesting tweet:
because I thought this interviewer in NZ said "Jewman" instead of "German" people think I dont know what German is? http://huff.to/9Qs2OG
Searching "couch" and "taylorswift13" brings you the knowledge that Taylor watches really bad TV:
Just downloaded 2 new episodes on iTunes. The new CSI and a new show, Lie to Me. Popcorn. Couch. Perfect.
But searching the words "eat" and "ate" on Kim Kardashian West's account will bring you more joy than anything else. The megastar is currently taking a hiatus from social media following a horrifying robbery in Paris. She should take all the time she needs to recover, but she is and will be missed until she returns, and this is why—moments like these when she lets us into her mind, without the filter of a magazine cover or reality show. Her tweets about food are why Twitter shouldn't be free. You may think that Kim only eats salad, and that may actually be true now, but it did NOT used to be. Kim K's Twitter in the early days was a deluge of junk food cravings, an ode to fast food, and more or less a fan account for churros. Want examples? I HAVE MANY.
I'M CRAVING SOMETHING SWEET BUT KNOW I SHOULDN'T EAT JUNK FOOD THIS LATE, PLEASE ANY WORDS THAT WILL STOP MY CRAVING? GYM 7AM. FALL ALSEEP
I worked out today HARD!!! I feel like I am going to eat some junk today so I made sure to get my workout in!
I want to go to 7 Eleven and eat Cheetos and a slurpee! But I am gonna fight this urge!
After a long day of hard work I need just one bit! I won't eat it all, I promise!
Honestly, this is Kim at her most human. It's a great subset of Kim K food tweets because it displays the sort of self-bargaining every person does with bad food. I ran half a mile today so it's cool if I house this bacon cheeseburger. I like the last one in particular, because it makes Kim sound like Tyrone Biggums.
And don't worry, there's more. The tweets get really good the more specific they get.
Just ate a hot dog and Mr. Softy ice cream from the food trucks and have a tummy ache now
Fire tweet.
EW I just ate some dried seaweed! I almost threw up! @KourtneyKardash has the worst taste in snacks! Tastes like I ate a fish from the ocean
Firer tweet.
Ate a bite of a salad & an olive was in it.I liked it but scares me bc I hate olives! Hope my taste isn't changing,I don't wanna like olives
They should have ended Twitter on Sept. 6, 2011, because that's the day Twitter peaked. (I'm also eternally curious about whether Kim's palate has continued to evolve and if it betrayed her and made her like olives.)
And then of course, there's the churro tweets:
Eva we really need some Beso churros to top off this birthday celebration! Beso churros are the best dessert of all time!
Yummy dinner at Beso w my besties! @BrittGastineau @JonathanCheban @SimonHuck @CarlaDiBello CHURROS here I come!
Just had the yummiest dinner w @EvaLongoria! She cooked her tortilla soup, its in her cook book Eva's Kitchen! She even got us some churros!
Feeling so very comfortable eating churros with a bunch of pregnant women! Just what I needed, the perfect chill yummy food birthday!!!!
I got a churro machine for my bday!!!! Between that & the beignet mix I got, I am in heaven!!!!
Churros!!! My cheat day is so worth it! #CantBelieveIOnlyHadOne
These aren't all of them by the way, but a couple things worth mentioning here. Beso is now closed (RIP), which must crush Kim because those churros do look delicious, and everyone on Yelp was pretty hyped on them. I guess it's not a big deal though because now she OWNS A CHURRO MACHINE. Imagine getting a churro machine for your birthday. Just when I think I've experienced happiness in my life, I find out there's getting-a-churro-machine-for-your-birthday levels of happiness.
But we're getting off-point. Mostly, I just want you to be appreciate all of this because in 2016, it's very rare to catch glimpses of celebrities—let alone Kim Kardashian—truly being themselves. By all accounts and images, Kim is perfect, and the mere thought of her life can be stress-inducing. So it's nice to see that she too falls prey to sugar; that she's eaten enough hot dogs to feel sick. The next time you wanna rail on Kim for, I don't know, wearing jewelry, maybe you'll remember her fear of liking olives, and remember that underneath the shiny, immaculately refined facade, there's a real person there.
To see all of Kim Kardashian's food tweets, go here, here, and here.
