After the traditional opening sequence wherein the host travels through our (your?) favorite movies of the past year on the wings of subversion, Amy Schumer stormed the stage with a bow & arrow and promptly killed Jimmy Kimmel. Such trickery aside, Schumer's opening monologue proved a formidable source of Schumerisms. Peruse our favorite lines below.
"I apologize for my aim, Jimmy. Usually my lower back tattoo is the target."
"Half of you don't know who I am and half of you think I'm Meghan Trainor."
"I don't want the winners to worry about their speeches going too long, because MTV is the only channel that refuses to play music."
"[Kevin Hart] really should be winning the Can't-Say-No-to-a-Movie award."
"Kevin Hart was the fake baby in American Sniper."
"If Kevin Hart sees his shadow, we get six more Kevin Hart movies."
"Anytime I watch those guys [from Magic Mike XXL], at least two of my fingers disappear."
"Hillary Clinton finally announced she's taking Zayn's spot in One Direction."
"This is going to be the party of the year! I just hope Harrison Ford doesn't crash it."
