The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes smuggling liquid cocaine disguised as rum, breaking into a house to choke a barking dog, and hitting a pregnant woman with a chicken sandwich. Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to cityguidetips@complex.com.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the latest episode of Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero:
RNN: Ratchet News Network
Man Bitten, Arrested After Breaking Into Neighbor's Home to Silence Barking Dog
Don't Start Eating Thanksgiving Dinner Early. You Might Get Stabbed.
Band Director at Florida High School Arrested for Having Sex with Two Students
Date: 11/25/2014
Location: Orlando, Fl.
Crime: Committing unlawful sexual acts with minors
Ratchet Meter: 7
The band director at a Florida high school was arrested earlier this week for allegedly having sex with two students in his office.
According to the Orlando Sentinel, 25-year-old Steven Velez was arrested on Tuesday. Velez resigned from his post at Poinciana High School last week after police in Osceola County began investigating a 17-year-old girl's claims that he had a sexual relationship with her last year:
He was sending her texts, which led her to going over to his house, Lizasuain said. Velez and the student allegedly engaged in sexual acts, Lizasuain said.
The student told deputies there was another student, also 17, who may have had a similar relationship with Velez, Lizasuain said. That student's parents said they believed the allegations were true.
The student told police that she decided to come forward after hearing that Velez had sex with another student. Velez faces charges for committing unlawful sexual acts with minors.
[via Orlando Sentinel]
Florida Man Kills Himself While Threatening Wife's Dog with Gun
Man Arrested for Leaving Scene of Accident Because Girlfriend Was Yelling at Him
Man Caught Trying to Smuggle Liquid Cocaine Disguised as Rum Into the U.S.
Man Arrested for Assaulting Pregnant Wife with Chicken Sandwich
Date: 12/3/2014
Location: Des Moines, Iowa
Crime: Domestic assault
Ratchet Meter: 6
An Iowa man was arrested Tuesday for assaulting his pregnant wife with a chicken sandwich, authorities say.
According to the Des Moines Register, 21-year-old Marvin Tramaine Hill II originally told police that it was his wife who attacked him:
Hill said his wife woke him up around 1 p.m. with a McChicken in hand. He admitted to police that he became upset and threw the sandwich at her, then picked up some of the bun, throwing it at her again.
The woman went to the bathroom to clean herself up but Hill followed her and began recording her using his cell phone, which he later shared with police. In the video, police saw the woman knock the phone out of his hands.
Police told the Register that Hill tried to coerce his wife into knocking the phone out of his hand so she'd appear to be the aggressor. However, her swollen nose and the mayonnaise on her shirt and face indicated otherwise. Hill received domestic assault charges and his weapons permit was seized.
[via Des Moines Register]
Threesomes Should Never End with Arrests
Man Arrested After Stealing EMS Vehicle for Failed Strip Club Excursion
