Played by: Gwyneth Paltrow

You're the dark, deeply thoughtful type. Your room is strewn with Sylvia Plath poems and Criterion Collection's entire catalogue of Swedish New Wave. Contemporary anything makes you overwhemingly nostalgic for an earlier era you wish you were born in. You dismiss chain bookstores, Forever 21, and any piece of music that isn't Marianne Faithfull with a pretentious snort and disdainful drag of your cigarette.

Somehow, you are vulnerable enough to fall in love with surprising frequency, and when those relationships fail, you are the Taylor Swift of the literary world. But before you set down to work on your typewriter, you proudly walk around your Park Slope neighborhood in your fur coat in an August heat wave to gather your thoughts.