Moving up the corporate ladder is all about winning the perception battle. If you can convince upper management types that you're about that boss life, then your employee parking space will be occupied by a certified pre-owned Lexus in the not-too-distant future. But it takes more than hard work and sacrifice to win the CEO's favor. The road to that corner office is paved with brazen self-confidence and the shattered life expectations of your workplace enemies. The first day of the rest of your commanding career begins now.
*DISCLAIMER: This is a satire. It's probably in your best interest (and your career's) to not pull these stunts at the workplace. As boss-like as they are, they will likely get you fired.
RELATED: 10 Signs You're Not Ready for a Real Job
RELATED: The Best Cities for Finding a Job
RELATED: How to Piss Off Your Co-Workers in 15 Easy Steps
RELATED: A Foolproof Guide to Hooking Up at Your Office Party
RELATED: 10 Lessons for Getting Along with Your Co-Workers We Learned From "Parks and Recreation"