Always bring beer home the day before a major holiday, otherwise your wife might stab you.
Christmas in Charleston, S.C. was painful for 44-year-old Helen Ann Williams' husband, as the poor sap made the grave mistake of not coming home with beer (stores were closed after midnight), then nonchalantly making a sandwich as he informed her. Infuriated, Williams stabbed him in the chest with a ceramic squirrel.
Authorities arrived to find the man with scratches on his face and covered in blood due to the huge gash in his chest. Williams told police that her husband had fallen on the squirrel, which, thanks to the blood on her hands, they didn't believe.
Williams was arrested and charged with domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature while her husband's wounds were treated at an area hospital.