Neighborhood: Greenwich Village
Address:
1 Washington Sq. East
Side-eyes from passersby:
 20
Police presence:
High
Optimal seating: Ledges
Natural beauty:
0

Washington Square Park is a park in the same way that Buzzfeed's employees are journalists: that is to say, in name only. There are few trees in Washington Square Park and the only grass you'll find is being smoked by NYU undergrads and was paid for by daddy's dotage. You won't see birds or animals here, but you will be hassled into signing a petition and guilted into financing some busker's assault on New York City's eardrums. We would rather brave the horde of bros drinking at 3 Sheets or Off the Wagon than enjoy our 40s at this "park."