By now you've probably heard about Justin Bieber's recent tour stops in Brazil, and the fact that he's been indulging in all the fine graffiti and partying he can handle.
You've probably also heard that Bieber was spotted leaving a whorehouse in Brazil, in a bedsheet, no less.
Or as Page Six explained (and if anything, click the link for the photo of Bieber leaving a whorehouse in a bedsheet):
The 19-year-old pop star and a friend spent more than three hours in the popular whorehouse Centauros in Rio de Janeiro — before leaving with two women, sources said.
So, a few things you should know about this:
1. Prostitution's basically legal in Brazil.
2. But whorehouses are basically illegal.
Sounds weird, right? It is, especially considering that "prostitute" is something you can put on a tax return in Brazil. Basically, it works like this: In Brazil, prostitutes can make money for themselves, but they can't make money for other people.
Part of the unspoken deal between the people who own Brazillian whorehouses and the authorities they bribe is that it's not a whorehouse, but a termas, which is the Portuguese word for "spa." And if you want something more than a nice steam—and if you're going to a termas, you probably do—you're looking to "relax," or programa.
Needless to say, a shitton of horndog tourists flock to Brazil every year to hit up their termas of choice and have sex with hot Brazilian hookers, which is to say nothing of the locals who frequent them too. And if you're gonna hit up a Brazillian termas, you probably wanna know what you're going to get into, right?
This brings us to the third thing to know about Justin Bieber's trip to a Brazillian whorehouse:
3. Centaurus—which is the termas Bieber went to, spent three hours inside of, and supposedly didn't have any sex at—is apparently one of the greatest whorehouses in the world, and its customers are big, big fans. That said, it's also pretty expensive, and they overcharge stupid tourists.
Not that we would know. But its patrons on the Internet most definitely would, as evidenced by their reviews of Centaurus (which, just a year ago, was the site of "Rio's Biggest Prostitution Crackdown in a Generation").
Now, again, we want you to remember that Justin Bieber spent a reported three hours in Brazil's most high-end termas—which the ever-reputable AskMen.com rated the 4th Best Brothel in the World—and supposedly was there because he thought it was a nightclub. And that, according to (the incredibly gulliable suckers at) E! News, it's not a whorehouse, but a "nightclub" with occasionally naked people.
As such, without further ado, here are some reviews* of Centauros, the termas Justin Bieber spent three hours in:
Review #1: "The sex at Centaurus has been excellent."
This guy thinks the women at Centaurus are great, and he's psyched that the women are well-educated. Also, that he gets to watch soccer there.
Centaurus is the most expensive of these termas, and it has some quirky drawbacks, but the women can't be beat. The arrangements are somewhat different at Centaurus. As you enter you are asked to pay $210. This covers admission, and 40 minutes in a nice room with any girl. Drinks are additional and are paid for as you leave. You can also arrange to have two girls at once but will need to pay an additional [fee] in advance. After you enter you will be escorted by a girl to the dressing room. She will help you out of your clothes and into a robe and sandals. This is one aspect of Centaurus that's not good. The girls typically hangs around and expects that she will be your date for the evening. Always make it clear that you want to go somewhere to relax for awhile and then look around they get the message. After a shower on the ground floor you head upstairs to the bar area. There is a small room with a TV and massage tables that is often crowded with guys and girls getting friendly while watching soccer (what else!).
The bar area is fairly large and has seating at the bar and bench seating elsewhere where it is easier to get to know the girls. There is a small stage where they have live music on some nights and where the girls do striptease routines every evening. The great thing about Centaurus is the girls. There are a lot of them and most are stunning. As good as L'uomo is, there's a substantial leap in the beauty of the girls. You will find a number of girls to your liking, and will likely find yourself paralyzed by indecision. When you find the one you like, just smile and wink and they'll come over. Another advantage at Centaurus is that there are several girls who speak fairly good English. I spent an evening with one blonde lovely who was a law student and spoke perfect English. Many of the girls at Centaurus are college students (many from the local Catholic college!) and are better conversationalists than girls at the other termas. The sex at Centaurus has been excellent.
Review #2: "One of the girls speaks decent English."
We should note that when this guy—a "giver," apparently—says that "all [the hookers] are 9 or 10," he's rating their attractiveness, and not talking about their age.
If you can afford it, I strongly recommend Centaurus in Ipanema. All girls are 9 or 10. Better looking than all girls I saw @4x4 Door is 400R$ (includes 1 girl for 40 min). I somehow got convinced to get 2 girls for 1 hour. well worth the money (100R$ for 20 more minutes, a second girl is 400 or 440R$).
One of the girls speaks decent english, and I learnt that the garotas get checked every month for STDs, and they must go twice a week to a gyneco.
So for you pussy eaters, I think they are clean.
Review #3: Nothing "special or wild." Pricy, but worth it (if you have the cash).
This guy got charged the "gringo" price, which is basically what they charge tourists who don't know any better (it is also probably what Bieber would have paid, if he had sex with the prostitutes at the whorehouse he spent three hours in while mistaking it for a nightclub).
I pay upfront the gringo price. I knew what I was getting into and was planning to session anyway, so no argument from me to the front desk. Inside the boite, I would say there are about 60 girls there and maybe 25 guys. The ratio was quite good. As far as the talent pool, I'll have to admit that I am pretty impressed. There were a handful of 9's and plenty of 8's. I also noticed that a lot of girls there speak a fair amount of English...
Since these girls know most customers already have the programa locked into their entry fee, they are pretty damn aggressive here. First girl I meet and she latches on pretty tight. She was quite cute though, reminded me of [adult film star] Micah Moore. I talked to her for a bit, then walked around some more. For some reason, I ended up back talking to that same first girl. Cindy. Had a pretty good vibe from her, I guess. After some drinks, we went up to the cabine for a 40-minute session. The cabine was quite roomy, had nice decor, and a nice full size bed. As for the session itself, it was nothing special or wild. More like love making, which I enjoy also. So I got her number and figured I would try to make plans with her in a day or 2.
I went back down to the boite just to look around and savor the moment. After all, I'm not coming back to Centaurus again. Or will I? In conclusion, I would say I really like Centaurus and if I were independently wealthy, I would definitely frequent the place.
Review #4: On The Matter of Brazilian Prostitutes On The Whole
This bro just had a whore-filled funtime blast in Brazil, and delivered a layman's** review of his entire experience while in Brazil.
Here, via Cameldog.com, which, ew, but just...here:
7 of the 10 hottest chicks ive ever fucked..
100% legal, you walk into the brothel and there are 20-30 chicks and you pick one out.. at a USA strip club where they push you for a rip off lap dance, here you go upstairs to rooms and rail them out.. with a condom of course.
you can ask them if they do anal, bj with out condom, if you can cum in there mouth, 3somes, gangbangs.. everything goes for a price.
you can also call a "garota de programa" for incalls, the below link shows semi-nude images of REAL brazilian prostitutes, that you can rail. absolutely legal.
And now you know where Justin Bieber spent three hours (but didn't have any sex while at) in Brazil.
[*Editor's Note: Complex can not vouch for any of these reviews, because none of us have visited Brazilian whorehouses, nor is this an endorsement of Brazil's whorehouse economy. It's not like we're going to put you on blast for it, either—it is, after all, the oldest profession in the world—but are you surprised all these dudes sound like the sleaziest johns ever? Anyway, the point is, if Bieber spent three hours in a Brazillian whorehouse and didn't get it in, that's probably a bigger story than if he did.]
[**Pun fully intended.]