Where would we be without Boyz N the Hood, Friday, Dead Presidents, New Jack City, and the other great '90s hood movies? They introduced the world to so much: Nia Long, the joys of malt liquor, the evidence that a charismatic sociopath could be your favorite character (respectful, timid shouts out to O-Dog. Amidst all the fun, these beloved 'hood classics taught the world more than a few tactics to make it through this newly lionized decade.

Barbecues, house parties, church—Kid n' Play and Ashtray showed you how to navigate those crucial social events with style. Nia Long, Janet Jackson, Jada Pinkett—John Singleton and the Hughes Brothers introduced you to these hopeful goddesses that helped open up your sentimental shakras. How to pass on your problems to your tougher best friend—Smokey taught you that (maybe, that wasn't the best lesson). 

Let's go movie by movie to explore What 90's Movies Taught Us About the Hood.

Might as well forget about replenishing your precious electrolytes. Grocery stores only carry malt liquor 'round here.

GIF via randomnessasual

Try your best to latch on to the Most Wholesome Girl With Goals: Nia Long.

GIF via sheneedsmylove   

When Furious Styles speaks, you listen. #LESSON alert! 

GIF via sheneedsmylove

Deposit? Count it, make sure everything is all there.

GIF via cockbarf

Blaring "Ice, Ice Baby" can lead you down the wrong exit into Newark.

GIF via hip-hop-archive

The window is always the best escape to avoid being murdered by your girl's mom. 

GIF via blckcinema

If Nia Long is taken, take your chances with the second most Wholesome Girl with Goals: Jada Pinkett.

GIF via cubanocastro

You better bring a nuclear missile to a nuclear missile fight.

GIF via sheneedsmylove  

Velvet tracksuit, Kangol buckets, gold ropes—you need all three to ball in Harlem.

GIF via purpleheartsaint  

Your 40 over everything, including your girl.

GIF via e-e-r-i-n-e-s-s 

If you can't ball, you better know how to scratch.

GIF via sorealife22 

Have fun with the chores. Ladies will be walking on those clean floors soon enough. 

GIF via charleseyvette 

Don't talk about your problems.

GIF via mruni-g 

Don't ever believe a girl that says her friend looks just like Janet Jackson.

GIF via spacecex

You will be clowned for thinking you were going on a date with a girl that looks like Janet Jackson.

GIF via  e-e-r-i-n-e-s-s

Until a charismatic white woman takes over, your chances of going to college is zero.

GIF via gitana1437

Number one in party planning: daily rehearsal with your best friend a week in advance. 

GIF via dreamtwistd

After you change from your tracksuit, you're going to have to ball, again. With gangsters, over Chinese.

GIF via dmuhfuqa [Note: We know, we know—Paid in Full came out in 2002. But it's awesome. Deal with it.]

Stay in one spot in the party where your girl can always find you.

GIF via nocturnalthug

Fair fight? Nope. Never.

GIF via sparepartss

Rounding out the top three '90s Wholesome Girls with a Goal: Janet Jackson. 

GIF via angelhasashotgun  

Your debts don't die just 'cause you do.

GIF via angryblackman

Your friends are going to play some mean pranks on you. Wear a diaper.

GIF via  cnnrstrav 

The ladies will be fashionably late to your party; your boys will be annoyingly early.

GIF via speedrasir 

You have get your groove on at every event, including the barbecue.

GIF via  e-e-r-i-n-e-s-s

In some 'hoods you may need to match your clothes with your food to fit in.

GIF via parractivia 

You better be ready to show and prove at church.

GIF via  e-e-r-i-n-e-s-s

It's not so bad to pretend to be called for dinner when the neighborhood bully comes around.

GIF via dyingstrong

If you want to live to see tommorow, don't ever mention anyone's. No, not even to wish her a happy birthday. 

GIF via isthistrillenough

Because there is no such thing as quietly taking a beatdown.

GIF via perma—stoned420

Don't ever accept a drug kingpin's invitation into his car. This may happen.

GIF via steelosoprano

You're going to need to escort your grandma to the corner store. 

GIF via  e-e-r-i-n-e-s-s

Your net worth is roughly $4.95.

GIF via iluvthickness

When the cops pull up, your best escape route is through the alley (statistically speaking).

GIF via divadz

Hey, Bishop. I just beat you in NHL '95 again, how you feel about that?

GIF via  omggitsnicolex3

Of course.

RELATED: The Best 90's Board Games

Written by Frantz Rocher (@FrantzRocher)