This week the world turned to San Francisco in eager anticipation of another utopian Apple product. Instead, Tim Cook bequeathed an iPad .08 inches thinner than last year’s model. To help fill in that hollow feeling this announcement no doubt left, here are some amazing stories you might have missed in the impenetrable thicket of anticlimactic Apple revelations.

Michael Thomsen is Complex's tech columnist. He has written for Slate, The Atlantic, The New Inquiry, n+1, Billboard, and is author of Levitate the Primate: Handjobs, Internet Dating, and Other Issues for Men. He tweets often at @mike_thomsen.