Bloomberg has already taken on the film industry with its ridiculously long movie trailers. Just start the movie already, Hollywood—the Mayor wants us to get to bed at a respectable hour.

But the previews weren’t enough, and Bloomberg will soon adapt his short-form authoritarianism piece into a feature-length bitchfest about scary movies. Do you know how much urine has been spilled thanks to those disgusting, shriek-inducing chillers? One of these days, a little Japanese ghost baby is going to pop up in that bathroom mirror and some poor, unsuspecting New Yorker chowing down on a two-gallon tub of buttered popcorn is going to have a heart attack.

Not on Uncle Mike’s watch. And why stop at horror movies? He’s going to ban any movies that make us feel bad in any way, including those slice-of-life dramas that present the harsh realities of modern life in an all-too relatable light. You can take your existential crises to New Jersey, Woody Allen.