Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you were one of the, like, four people who wanted to one day see Michael Cera in the buff on the big screen, it looks like you're out of luck: In an interview with Vulture at a screening of his new film, Crystal Fairy, Cera admitted that he's scared that people would judge his penis if he did full-frontal nudity in a film. On another note, if you are one of those people who wanted to see Michael Cera totally nude, we'd like to know who you are because your interests sound morbidly fascinating.
Cera explained his anxieties after a question concerning his co-star, the girl from Field of Dreams all grown up, Gaby Hoffman's full-frontal nude scene as her character, the titular Crystal Fairy. While Hoffman commented to the New York Times a few days ago that nudity is no big deal—"I sort of grew up with a lot of it in my family. I just come from a sort of naked world, so I've been naked a lot in my life...I was born naked, I'm a natural. I'm a natural nude. So I've been on camera naked a lot,"—Cera's feelings are radically different.
"I think I'd be really scared of that...I think Gaby is pretty exceptional in her comfort being nude. Um, I think she grew up with nudity not really being a thing, a stigma. Like, she just doesn't understand people's discomfort with nudity. It's great. I envy it. I'd be worried, because, you know, I think people are hard enough on actors as it is, without having the ammunition of like, 'Oh, they have an ugly penis.' You know? It wouldn't make life easier."
Cera may be currently trying to break out of his typecast of gangly, awkward kid—that's clear by his role as the certifiably insane Brink in Magic, Magic—but he hasn't reached the point yet where we could buy a nude scene without us feeling like he's probably totally uncomfortable acting in the scene and wanting to wrap him in a blanket, give him some hot chocolate, and pat him on the head or something. He's George Michael Bluth! Seeing him naked would probably be the same level of awkward as seeing a dog walk in its hindlegs then doing a handstand. Let's move on.