Superficial spoiler alert: Julianne Moore’s curves aren’t as voluptuous as those of her varied competition on this list. In self-defense, she could hit us with, “How many other chicks on this have been nominated for four Academy Awards?” To which we’d have nothing else to say but, “Touché."

Besides, it’s not all about physical features. What good are watermelon twos and a donkey ass if a woman doesn’t know how to use them? In Boogie Nights, Moore plays the seasoned porno pro Amber Waves, an experienced star who schools Mark Wahlberg in more ways than one. Like Dirk Diggler, we’re hot for teacher.