Address: 537 North 3rd St.

Poor Finnigan's Wake—you are so close to being epically bad. But your owner fucked you by erecting you near McFadden's, a gaping-asshole eclipse of a bar that obscures everything around it. If McFadden's were to go down in hair spray and spray-on tan ignited flames, then perhaps you would be king. For now, however, your weekly beer pong tournies, your excruciating cover bands, your obnoxious bachelorette parties, and your infuriating Q&A section on your website (sample question: "Did you know that Finegan's [sic] Wake is a famous novel written by James Joyce?") only make you top-15 material. Get roofie dispensers in the bathroom and then we can talk top 10.