Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
So your girl cheated on you, huh? You're locked away at home cursing that bitch’s name while contemplating how you can realistically get away with murdering her. Meanwhile, you're overlooking the reason she crept in the first place. It could be that she's a trife slut you should've never trusted, but there’s a good chance that it’s deeper than that. Dudes seem to cheat out of a primitive need to, but women generally have motives: emotional neglect, sexual frustration, vengeance. Let’s go over the evidence.
YOU STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION
After the preliminary bullshit of dating, guys stop trying. You don’t get out of your sweat pants to see her and you've got no problem admitting that you're too broke to take her to dinner—honeymoon's over! Work harder to keep her happy, otherwise, what's the motivation for loyalty? When you blow her off for a late night at “the office” (we know you’re smoking weed with your boys), she's at the crib texting hot male co-workers and trying on tight dresses to go out in. Women need constant reassurance, so if you don't give us attention, we're going to seek it elsewhere.
THE SEX IS WHATEVS
Even if the sex is great in the beginning, that doesn't mean it will last forever. The most explosive sex can become mundane with the same person. It's no one's fault. Sometimes girls just crave new dick. After eating the same awesome flavor of ice cream for months, wouldn’t you still want to try another flavor eventually? Such desires don’t justify cheating, but if you can sense the romance slipping away and don't lift a finger or boner to stop it, someone else will reignite the spark for her. Have a conversation and discuss what you need to do to get the intensity back.
SHE'S TRYING TO PROVE A POINT
Remember how you promised that you were going to build her a new closet and take her to your parents’ house and get a better job so you could go on more vacations? She didn't forget about any of it, and now that you've been together for two years with nothing to show for it, she's going to fuck someone more successful and call it “revenge.” Whether her needs are material or emotional, there will always be some temporary jerk to provide her with them if you don't. Leave a woman feeling unfulfilled and she'll go get filled by someone with more to offer.
FEAR OF MISSING OUT
Cheating doesn’t always come from a place of bitterness or hatred. Sometimes it's just a selfish need-turned-mistake. Desire fluctuates when you’ve been with a guy forever. We start checking out other dudes around the way and going through sexual scenarios in our head. Eventually we have make a decision: stay with our man and wonder what we're missing or fuck around and regret that shit forever. It's a romantic gamble, and it’s usually not worth it, but some girls are willing to take the risk.
YOU CHEATED FIRST
A lot of girls stay with their man after he cheats. Afraid of being alone, they force themselves to get over the betrayal and believe there's hope for reconciliation, but the pain always stays present beneath the surface. In every fight, cheating is the first thing she'll throw in your face and use against you. One day that won’t be satisfying enough and she’ll need to know how it feels to be on the other end of the ordeal. You’ll probably never know about it either.
People have been cheating for centuries. The only reason why it seems like it happens more these days is because of TMZ and people leaving digital trails. The best you can do is be a good boyfriend you can be and hope your girl never plays you. If she does, you're not a worthless excuse for a man, no matter how many Lil Wayne songs tell you otherwise. What you need to ponder is whether you're going to save that hoe and get the relationship poppin' again. Trust, the makeup sex will be fire.