9. Red Dead Redemption
Rockstar's jaunt into the Old West was an amazing feat of contemporary story telling. John Marston may have been a pastiche of discarded Clint Easwood and Charles Bronson DNA, but that didn't make him any less fun to play. What was not that awesome was Marston's inability to ride his horse ten feet without being flagged down by someone who needs help. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.
We can't tell you how many people were devoured by bobcats on account of our crushing indifference. All of the side escort missions in Red Dead Redemption are randomly generated and if you're not careful you'll spend all of your time chasing horse thieves, rescuing hostages, battling highway men, and generally being distracted by every barefoot yokel begging you for help.
The absolute worst escort mission in the game has to be 'My Sister's Keeper'. You are tasked with chauffeuring the young Miranda Fortuna away from the coming Mexican revolution. Sounds easy enough. We can just take my horse, it's right over here. Oh, shit. We need to take your wagon that handles like a barrel full of cement cock rings? Great. Meanwhile Miranda hyperventilates in your ear screaming for you to go faster as you dodge roadblocks and keep an eye on a timer. An escort AND timed mission in one sitting? Thanks Rockstar!