The 25 Hottest Cartoon Women Of All Time

Can we all agree that in order to have a really kick-ass movie or TV show there needs to be a hot-ass girl? Can we? Just look at Archer, which aired its season two premiere on FX last night. Yeah, the show would be hilarious with just the titular dickhead secret agent (voiced by H. Jon Benjamin), but the reason we have to watch is the sassy, sexy, and voluptuous agent Lana Kane (Aisha Tyler). Her talents cannot be contained by two dimensions! Got a problem with grown men crushing on animated women? OK, that's reasonable, but look at her! C'mon! There's no shame in our game (or complete lack of game, which leads to us sitting at home watching cartoon women) so we honor the return of Lana and her boobs to the tube by counting down the 25 hottest cartoon women of all time. OF ALL TIME!

RELATED: What Your Favorite Cartoon Character Says About You

The only reason Betty Boop is on this list is her symbolic importance because, honestly, in 2010, there is nothing hot about her and her Elephant Man head. Still, we have to show her some respect and acknowledge that she was the first real cartoon sex symbol; without her we probably don’t have the next 24 cartoon foxes. And, to keep it 100, if it were 1930 and we'd drank enough homemade peppermint schnapps, we probably would've smashed.

You might not remember her or Jon Lovitz's criminally underrated cartoon about a fat, bald, and generally disagreeable movie critic, but Alice was a doozy. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a flick of her can't explain how sexy her Tennessee accent was. It launched her from good looking chick to full-blown hottie. Too bad the only time we hear her voice now is when we’re baked and still up at four in the morning watching canceled cartoon shows. Sigh.

You know April, from the beloved Ninja Turtles cartoons, had to make our list. She was hot and yet wasn't at all prissy; she didn't mind spending her day fucking around in the sewer with a giant rat. Plus, to our knowledge, she's the only TV reporter able to keep her job while stunting in a full-body yellow jumpsuit. That’s swag, baby.

We are officially starting a petition for more Josie and the Pussycats hentai porn. After rummaging through the Internet for about five minutes, we’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t nearly enough. This is especially distressing considering how perfect the set up is: Three women—one blonde, one redhead, and one black chick—rolling around in bed together with leopard print lingerie on. Come on, son, what’s fucking with that? Sign the petition and move on.

Not the most obvious pick for most, but a clear choice for us. This is the closest thing we’ve seen to an animated Naomi Campbell (minus the crazy bitchiness). The other factor that makes Tzipporah more appealing and naughty for us is the religious matter of it all. Yes, we know she was a real character in the Bible, and not just a character thrown into this film. And yes, we are fully aware we’re a bunch of heathens. Fuck it.

There are two things we really like about the animated Poison Ivy. One: She hopped on the whole leggings thing a good 15 years before they became hot again. And two: She’s a redhead. So we get to wonder if the bush matches the leaves.

Fuck it, we’ll say it: Lois >>> Marge. It’s a new era and that raspy voiced pain-in-the-ass nag ain’t cutting it anymore. (And, NEWSFLASH: Her hair is fucking blue. She looks like something out of a Dr. Seuss book.) Lois on the other hand, has a crazy body, doesn’t bitch about shit, is cool enough to put up with Peter’s antics, and she actually looks normal. Again, for emphasis: Lois >>> Marge.

We can’t deny the sentimental feelings we get with Kitana, we used to murk shit with her on Super Nintendo. So seeing her in cartoon form in the very short lived (and stupidly non-violent) Mortal Kombat cartoon was a major moment for us when we were younger. And there was the hope that, since they weren't showing any blood, maybe, just maybe, they would show some full frontal. Nope. We watched that trash for nothing.

Nancy Gribble was trifling. For over 10 years she was getting hit off by John Redcorn, while giving no poon to her real husband, Dale Dribble. Grimy. You can’t wife broads like that, just got to one-night them.

Slim, pretty, and cool, with no calluses on her feet despite the fact that she never wore any damn shoes, Wilma was quite the catch for prehistoric times. More importantly than all of that, though, you have to love a chick who has Brachiosaurus BBQ ready for you when you get home.

If Jubilee touched you, you would blow up. Jean Grey could see all the sick shit in your mind. Psylocke had some kind of telekinetic power coming out of her hands. And Storm had the ability to make the sun come out when it was raining. Yep, it's a no-brainer: Storm was definitely the most smash-able X-Men character.

Remember what we said a couple of slides ago about not wifing up Nancy Gribble? Well, you wife up a lady like Belle. What makes her so great is that she's hot but doesn’t give a shit how you look. Not only that, but you could be a complete dick to her, and she will still give you the box. Shit, look at the Beast.

Daphne was little more than the eye candy of her crime-solving crew, because she never solved shit. But you know what? We're not even mad. She was a good look. She had that classic groovy girl swag. She’s also the reason why we will always hate that ascot-wearing d-bag Fred. We know he was smashing all those times they snuck off together. Fucker.

It’s hard to pin-point exactly what was Catwoman’s hotness prime. Some people would say it was Eartha Kitt in the 60’s, others would say Michelle Pfeiffer in the 90’s, and others would say Halle Barrey a couple of years ago (OK, no one says that). We’re actually really fond of the look she had in the Batman cartoon from the 90's. The illustrators were smart enough to make sure Catwoman had all the necessary ass-ests a charter like that needed, if you know what we mean. Take notes Disney.

Before Charlize Theron appeared in the terrible 2005 movie version, Aeon Flux was animated and dope as hell. Acrobatic assassin Aeon is as badass any cartoon character you will see on this list, or ever. And she gets extra points for wearing leather. And more points for barely wearing leather.

This movie is insanely historically inaccurate, so we’re not sure how good Pocahontas looked in real life, but we're not mad at Disney for making her look like a model. Disney gets major props because, honestly, you don't see many hot-ass Native American chicks in movies. To get a whole movie with one was sweet. Hey, what can we say, we're big on diversity.

Yeah, she’s like three inches tall, so smashing would be impossible (unless God had a sick sense of humor when creating you). But come on, she’s hot. Plus, she’s a fucking fairy! That's gotta be good for some wishes or good karma or some shit.

Need proof that He-man was a swordsman of another sort? He never once tried to smash Teela. And Teela was riiiiight. During Masters of the Universe’s run, there wasn’t a horny teenage dude alive who wouldn't have traded places with He-Man just to get some alone time Teela.

Nudity will get you a long way on one of our lists. And that’s what Chun-Li gives us in Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie. More specifically, she gives us a shower scene and humongous, wet cartoon tities. Top 10 status right there.

Some say it'd be impossible to smash because she's too sweet and wholesome, or because she has fishy smelling fish parts below the waist. Personally, we suspect that she's into freaky water sports, and so what if she does smell like a Red Lobster kitchen? Who doesn't love Red Lobster?

How could we not have the most famous female superhero of all time on our list? It would be blasphemous. We don’t need to convince you that Wonder Woman, with that little one-piece suit and the Lasso of Sadomasochism Truth, is hot. We’ll just point this out: She has her own fucking jet.

Lana is the reason we even bothered to make this list. She’s been on the scene for about a year now, and she's already ready smashed 70 years of hot cartoon characters. Just look at her stats: She’s pretty, has a crazy body, a good job with benefits, and she is feisty to the point that she might kill you if you fuck with her. We can't think of a better way to go out.

Esmeralda? This high? Yep. Don’t punish her just because she was in one of the more depressing and unmarketable Disney movies (The Hunchback of Notre Dame? What kid gives a fuck about that?) She’s just as hot as any Disney character you could name. Also, she’s the only Latina on our list, which is shocking considering how fucking hot Latinas are. But then you remember, it’s Hollywood, so actually, yeah it’s about right.

You know you’re gorgeous when you’re supposed to be an Arab princess, yet you talk like someone who lives in southern California, and no one even thinks to question that shit. That’s Princess Jasmine right there. Listen, if you were born in the '80s, this was your first love right here. Don’t try to deny it: the eyes, the puffy Hammer pants, her dark hair, the eyes, the eyes—it was all perfect.

Officially still the baddest ever. Since the '80s, no one has even come close to touching her crown. She is so bad that when Melyssa Ford first came on the scene and started calling herself Jessica Rabbit, well, fuck it, we're not going to lie, we got a little tight. The crazy shit about Jessica Rabbit is she was a dime, yet she was married to goofy-ass cartoon Roger Rabbit! A fucking bunny! It was easily the Jermaine Dupri and Janet Jackson relationship of the late '80s.