Image via Complex Original
Stallion83goal of a millionhis favorite achievements of the year
By Troy Mounis
Insanity
Insanity from Mass Effect 2
Description: Complete the game on the "Insanity" difficulty level without changing the setting.
Stallion Says: "Not impossible, but can be tricky. Some parts will take a lot of patience and skill. The hardest achievement in what I consider the game of 2010."
How to Get It: Beating any game on its hardest level is tough, but Mass Effect 2 happens to fall well in the Unforgiving category, taking a page out of its RPG lineage. The No. 1 thing to do here is try to survive long enough to recruit Mordin, Commander Shepard's personal professor of sorts. You can find him in the quarantined slums of Omega. Once recruited, he can upgrade your team's weaponry and armor—a must to help save the universe.
Dastardly
Dastardly from Red Dead Redemption
Description: Incinerate 10 enemies with the flamethrower attachment in the POW compound.
Stallion Says: "I got lady-guts all over my new outfit! Also, my horse strayed into the path of the train. Glue, anyone?"
How to Get It: Rockstar Games is known for sparking controversy, and this diabolical deed is their way of keeping that tradition going. This one is pretty self-explanatory: Approach one of the female townsfolk and use your lasso to hogtie them. Once that's done, check your map for the waypoint nearest to the location of the train, indicated by a red circle with a train symbol (duh). Carry your locomotive sacrifice to the nearest horse and transport her to the location. Place the woman on the tracks and wait for the choo-choo to make her go kersplat!. Congratulations, you're now unwanted by both real and fake girls.
Russian Bar-BQ
Russian Bar-B-Q from Call of Duty: Black Ops
Description: Incinerate 10 enemies with the flamethrower attachment in the POW compound.
Stallion Says: Weirdly, nothing. However, I say, "Who doesn't like a barbecue?"
How to Get It: This is actually a fairly easy achievement, as long as you act quickly and aim true. You can find the flamethrower attachment in the Payback mission of the game inside of the POW compound. You'll be surrounded by your Commie friends, but you only have a limited amount of ammo in which to turn them into Russian fart dust. Also, you only need to ignite an enemy (instead of continuously engulfing him in flames and wasting ammo) in order to take him down. Now get out there and do the devil's work!
Paramour
Paramour from Mass Effect 2
Description: Successfully pursue a relationship with a teammate.
Stallion Says: "The Mass Effect franchise was why the news media unfairly tagged the Xbox as the "Sexbox," and the second one doesn't disappoint."
How to Get It: Talk about blue balls--it'll take practically the entire game to close the deal with one of the characters, so take every opportunity to wine and dine who you want to do the sexytime dance with. In true open-minded Bioware fashion, you can seek out the lover of your choice: gay, straight, or extraterrexual. And you thought Prop 8 was a tough sell.
Demolition Man
Demolition Man from Battlefield: Bad Company 2
Description: Get 20 demolish kills online.
Stallion Says: "The hardest achievement to get in Bad Company 2 and extremely satisfying. You have to collapse houses or buildings on your enemy. One of the better ways to dispatch your opponent in shooter history."
How to Get It: How do you take down a building? With even bigger bullets, like in the heavy tank. You can also play a few games of Squad Rush on the Nelson Bay, Port Valdez, or Isla Innocents map: The M-Com is located in or around a building, so plant C4 around it (using the upgraded explosives perk) and wait for the other team to attempt to diffuse it. Let 'er rip and hope someone kisses some bricks. Rinse and repeat until you get 20 total kills.
ADRIAN!!!
ADRIAN!!! from Motion Sports
Description: Win Diamond medals in every Boxing challenge.
Stallion Says: "I'm a huge Rocky fan, so this has to be one of my favorite achievements ever. Also, Motion Sports is terrible."
How to Get It: It makes sense that the road to a million gamerscore points is paved with shitty games. Though, for sentimental value, we much prefer Transformers 2: Bouncy Megan Fox, anyone? As for a tip, here's one: Punch whoever gifted this to you in the groin. Yes, even your grandma. It's not like she's using it. And if she is, hats off to Gramps!
Bearly Legal
Bearly Legal from Red Dead Redemption
Description: Kill and skin 18 grizzly bears.
Stallion Says: "Some developers know how to make clever achievements and this is one of the cleverest."
How to Get It: There's nothing tricky about this achievement other than the fact that you have to find 18 bears to kill, with each requiring only a couple of shotgun blasts to the head. We recommend hitting up the Aurora Basin: Use bait to attract bears into the open and then kill 'em. Usually taking down one will attract a few more, so wait it out, you outdoorsman, you.
Henry VIII
Henry VIII from Fable III
Description: As ruler of Albion, get married 6 times and kill 2 of your spouses.
Stallion Says: "Another clever achievement that was well thought out. Maybe a tad violent for little Timmy."
How to Get It: Henry VIII was a bastard, for sure...but then again, he created the idea of the separation of church and state, so at least he may be to thank in some weird small way for driving Sarah Palin out of her governorship. His fellow Brits Peter Molyneux and the gang at Fable developers Lionhead Studios set up this easy achievement for folks to pursue after finishing the game's storyline.
Big Brass Balls
Big Brass Balls from Bioshock 2
Description: Finish the game without using Vita-chambers.
Stallion Says: "I'm a sucker for cheap jokes."
How to Get It: Of all of the achievements on this list, this is the one that may drive you mad. Vita-chambers are the game's way of incorporating checkpoints. Not using them means that you have to, y'know, not die. There's no secret sauce to doing that other than managing your health packs well and avoiding enemies as much as you can. Thankfully, this can be done on any difficulty, so feel free to go the kiddie route.
I Hate Monkeys
I Hate Monkeys from Call of Duty: Black Ops
Description: Kill 7 monkeys in under 10 seconds in the Rebirth labs.
Stallion Says: "Suck it, PETA!"
How to Get It: So far, Ray has confessed to virtually killing women, horses, and bears (oh my!), so we're not surprised to see this one on here as well. And, frankly, it's one of our favorites too. The easiest way to snag the achievement is with the grenade launcher, which you can find leaning on a desk in one of the offices. Fire a shot into the Central Labs area and an explosion will trigger, killing all of the monkeys. If that doesn't work, there is a corner with a number of caged monkeys hopping around that's fairly begging for an explosion to happen near it. You know what to do. If all else fails, just strafe 'em all!