WTF Happened in the NFL This Week

The San Francisco 49ers took down the St. Louis Rams on Monday night football 31 to 17. It looks like the Rams might actually be able to steal one, jumping out to 14 three lead with just seconds to go until halftime. However, a blown coverage lead to an 80 yard touchdown pass to Brandon Lloyd, and then the 49ers scored on their first possession of the second-half to take a lead they would not give up. Rams quarterback Austin Davis looked quite good in the first half, and very much like a third stringer in the second (stats for both). The game was also marked by several Mike Brown/Ferguson-related protests, which interestingly did not really make it through onto the television broadcast despite there being several large banners and loud chants throughout the game.

The New England Patriots may have gotten a big win in Buffalo last Sunday, but it came at a cost. On Monday, they announced that starting middle linebacker Jerod Mayo and starting running back Stevan Ridley would be placed on season-ending injured reserve following injuries suffered in the Pats’ victory over the Bills. Mayo—the team’s best run stopper and defensive captain—tore his patellar tendon, while Ridley tore his ACL and MCL. It’s two big losses for a Patriots team that was finally hitting its stride and looking like a real contender in the AFC, and could put their Super Bowl aspirations to rest for yet another season.

Well, yeah. If you’re a professional athlete making even a “modest” six figure salary, you totally don’t need to steal underwear and cologne from a department store. Cowboys backup running back Joseph Randle didn’t get the memo, and instead decided to plunder a Dillards in Frisco, Texas for somewhere between $50 and $500-worth of the aforementioned goodies. The Cowboys fined him $29,500 for the incident, but don’t worry about where his next meal is coming from; Randle signed an endorsement deal with MeUndies that will repay the fine and also see Randle speak to multiple Dallas-area schools about learning from mistakes.

In a game that saw the Jets control the clock and run roughshod over a Jerod Mayo-less Patriots defense, New England managed to eke out a 27-25 after a last-second field goal block. Tom Brady had a solid game for the home team, throwing for 261 yards and three TDs, but New York outgained New England 218-63 on the ground and controlled the ball for nearly 41 minutes. The Jets had a chance to win it on the final play of the game, but a questionable assist from the referee allowed the Pats to block Nick Folk’s 58-yard, game-winning attempt and hold on for the W.

The Seahawks stunned the NFL by dealing Harvin, whom they had acquired from Minnesota in the 2013 offseason in exchange for a first and seventh round pick in 2013, along with a third rounder in 2014. They then handed him a six-year, $67 million contract ($25.5 million guaranteed), only to see him get hurt and miss almost the entire season. Amid reports of locker room fights up through Super Bowl week, Harvin was jettisoned to the struggling Jets in exchange for a conditional 2015 draft choice. At best, Harvin is a game-changing force who could be an absolute steal for New York if he performs as he has in the past. On the other hand, Harvin can be a handful who has a hard time staying on the field, making him more trouble than he’s worth.

Even without his mustache, Kyle Orton was able to rescue the Buffalo Bills yet again. Having lost both C.J. Spiller (collarbone) and Fred Jackson (groin) to injuries that look like they could be long-term, Orton threw for 283 yards and two touchdowns—including the game-winner to Sammy Watkins with one second left—to lead his team to a win. It’s another crushing loss for Minnesota, who have looked positively hapless on offense all season long and look to be in for another frustrating rebuilding year.

The surprising Dallas Cowboys became the first NFL team to get to six wins as they knocked off the New York Giants. Their offense has been sparked by running back DeMarco Murray, who today set an NFL record with his seventh straight 100-yard rushing performance. He has amassed 913 rushing yards so far this season, the sixth-best start through seven games in the history of the NFL. The struggling Giants have fallen to 3-4 on the season, and now are looking way up at the Eagles and Cowboys in the NFC East. But hey, at least they’re not Washington?

With his second quarter strike to Demayrius Thomas, Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning bested Brett Favre’s mark with his 509th career touchdown pass, a new all-time record. Denver rolled from there, easily dispatching the 49ers 42-17. Manning finished with 318 passing yards and four touchdowns, with 171 yards and two of those touchdowns coming to Thomas. Ronnie Hillman also ran for two scores for Denver, who improved to 5-1 with the win. At 4-3 and now 1.5 games behind Arizona in the division, the Niners have their work cut out for them if they want to be a playoff team this year.