10 Car "Upgrades" That Make You Look Like a Douche

We're all about customizing your ride. Tune the engine and suspension, swap out the roll bars, get new wheels, re-upholster the interior, get a new paint job or wrap, get a sports exhaust, install a kick-ass sound system, or whatever. All that kind of stuff is cool, and we applaud you for loving your car that much.

On the other hand, there are plenty of car upgrades lurking at your local Pep Boys that serve no function whatsoever beyond making you look like a racist, stupid, slack-jawed, thug of a douchebag. So please, if you see any of these 10 Car "Upgrades" That Make You Look Like a Douche, please set them on fire.

RELATED: The 10 Best Ways to Upgrade Your Car for Less Than $5,000

Why it's obnoxious: Cars and trucks are cool, but they come with the unfortunate side effect of greenhouse gas emissions. Smoke stacks are usually paired with engines that have been tuned to run as dirty as possible.

Purchased by: Men with mustaches who deny global climate change not just because they don't understand the science, but because they don't like it when those fancy scientists tell them what to do.

Money wasted: $150-$300

Why it's obnoxious: Like fake asses, fake Rolexes, and Lance Armstrong's fake testicle, fake hood scoops just aren't cool.

Purchased by: People who can't tell a Civic from an NSX, but can recite The Fast & the Furious from memory.

Money wasted: $10-$150

Why it's obnoxious: Is your desire to make loud noises really that much more valid than everyone else's desire to gouge your eyes out with a hot spork?

Purchased by: The guy who thinks he's cool because he yells over every conversation and wears his hat backwards.

Money wasted: $80-$300

Why it's obnoxious: This has about as much to do with actual racing as a race car bed. Aerodynamic downforce needs to be balenced at speed, otherwise it can reduce the grip of the opposite tires which, in this case, are the driven ones, and it's not like your Honda Fit has ever been prone to oversteer.

Purchased by: People who are completely convinced that a Toyota Corolla can be turned into an actual race car, despite its many crippling limitations.

Money wasted: $100-$500

Why it's obnoxious: Buying nice wheels is cool, but buying wheels so large that they begin to damage the performance and comfort of your car is not. This is the least classy way to flaunt your wealth.

Purchased by: Urban dudes who claim they can't afford to move out of their mom's house and NFL players.

Money wasted: $400-$5,000

Why it's obnoxious: It's good that you care about the state of the government, but expressing your opinions at everybody else in as offensive of a way as possible means you deserve a swift punch to the throat.

Purchased by: Closed-minded drones in Toyota Prii and Ford F-150s who really want to talk to you about how Obama is a muslim/Ron Paul/GMOs/flourinated water.

Money wasted: $2-$20

Why it's obnoxious: It's a treasonous flag that represents racial slavery.

Purchased by: A fat white dude who will chastise you for not being patriotic, despite the fact that he's waving a rebel flag. He says it's about Southern pride, but his KKK membership says otherwise.

Money wasted: $5-$50

Why it's obnoxious: Blue lights on cars are legally reserved for emergency response vehicles. Your Honda Civic Si is not a police car.

Purchased by: Dudes who watch tons of anime and refuse to wear clothes that aren't from Japan.

Money wasted: $40-$100

Why it's obnoxious: Your horn is already loud enough, and the fact that you think it needs to be upgraded suggests that you already use it far too much.

Purchased by: The unfunny person who is convinced he's going to get on SNL.

Money wasted: $27-$70

Why it's obnoxious: Nobody likes looking at scrotums. Men don't like them and women don't like them. Why do you think that men's and women's magazines both have hot girls on the front?

Purchased by: Rednecks and bros with a low-brow sense of humor who are most often heard saying "the bigger the truck, the bigger the man" and most often seen in ripped tank tops with at least one ketchup stain.

Money wasted: $15-$40