A Complete History of NFL Players Rapping

The 1985 Chicago Bears' famous "Super Bowl Shuffle" isn't all that great from an artistic perspective. For nostalgia purposes it works fine, but even then you'd have to admit it's too cheesy to watch in repeated viewings. Regardless the song was nominated for a 1985 Grammy Award for Best Rhythm & Blues Performance by a Duo or Group and raised $300,000 for Chicago children in need. Unfortunately, the damage it caused was irreversable.

The "Super Bowl Shuffle" inadvertedly inspired the worst, unfunny, suicide-for-the-ear pieces of recording ever heard. The '80s era of NFL players-turned rappers will leave a football fan in depressed, but thankfully things at least got a little better with albums like NFL Jams and players who actually gave a shit about rapping started coming out with songs.

There's still a few struggle songs here and there but NFL rap has definitely stepped up. Hopefully future generations will hear the term "NFL Rap" and not immediately start shaking their heads. Until then, here's A Complete History of NFL Players Rapping.

RELATED: The Complete History of NBA Rappers

Biggest Song: "The Super Bowl Shuffle"
Date: 1985
Grade: 2.5

The travesty known as '80s NFL team rap videos started from the success of "The Super Bowl Shuffle." Yes the song got nominated for a Grammy, and yes, it raised $300,000 for the Chicago Community trust fund. Do those facts mean this isn't a piece of '80s cheese gone rancid? Well, listen to lyrics like "Now I'm as smooth as a chocolate swirl/I dance a little funky, so watch me girl" and tell us the answer if you even make it that far into the song.

Biggest Song: "Together"
Date: 1986
Grade: 2

Walter Payton and William Perry can't rap. At all. But damn it if they can't spit some rhymes about friendship, togetherness, and the values of not doing drugs. After all, if you do drugs, the answer ain't dope according to the duo. Can you handle the wordplay? The song got re-released in 1999 with profits going to the Walter Payton Foundation.

Biggest Song: "Ram It"
Date: 1986
Grade: 0.5

We're not going to talk about the obvious sexual implications of repeatedly finding ways to fit the term "Ram It" into a verse. But the fact that this continues for almost six minutes is troublesome. There's nothing wrong with reminscing about how great the '80s were, but you can't ignore how much shit was mixed in too.

Biggest Song: "49ers Rap"
Date: 1980s
Grade: 1

Last year, 5-year-old Sarah Redden released a rap dedicated to Colin Kaepernick. Over dramatic keys and poppy synths, the young fan rhymes about the 49ers running things at Candlestick Park, the quest for that Super Bowl ring, and the ever-graceful art of #Kaepernicking. Is it the most intricately put together fan tribute ever? No. Is it still better than the "49ers Rap?" Yes. Plus, it's fucking adorable.

Biggest Song: "Who Dey"
Date: 1989
Grade: 1.5

The beat to "Who Dey" is the equivalent to the one kid at the lunchtable back in junior high that kept messing up the "Grindin" beat. Actually, take that earsore and times it by five and you get this beat. The hook is slight anthemic—catchy even—so the Bengals' cheesy "This was the '80s track" wasn't a total loss.

Biggest Song: "Silver and Black Attack"
Date: 1986
Grade: 1

Think the Raiders couldn't get any weaker than they have been in recent years? Take a look back at the lyrical darts on the "Silver and Black Attack". The bars include: "I can't run fast and I'm not too tall/But I got hands that stick to the ball" and "The offense is ready when I get the call/But they can't do zip unless we give them the ball." Lyrical darts are meaningless if they keep missing the target for six straight minutes.

Biggest Song: "Buddy's Watching You"
Date: 1988
Grade: 0.5

So was the 1988 Eagle squad sitting in the studio thinking they got a hit on their hands? It's quite possible there's been no one in the history of publicly released recorded music who's been as off-beat and cacophonous as Luis Zendejas in his verse. This is precisely why kickers ought to stick to kicking.

Biggest Song: "Can't Touch Us"
Date: 1990
Grade: 1.5

The only remix of MC Hammer's "Can't Touch Us" that's even considered remotely classic is Peter Griffin's rendition. The fictional Rhode Islander murked that beat better than MC Hammer. As bad as the Dolphins' rendition is, it's nowhere near as bad as watching that painful 1-15 season in 2007.

Biggest Song: "Must Be the Money"
Date: 12/26/94
Grade: 3

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having as much swag as Deion Sanders. He wears gators. He gets his hair done. His fingernails, too. He has $15,000 dogs with laser beam eyes. Laser beam eyes, bro! You know how rare that is?

Anyway, the trick is articulating that wealth, and that's what Sanders struggles with. His stoic delivery makes the track come off as a bit sleezy. That said, it's still one of the most popular (and expensive) athlete-to-music crossovers ever, so there's something Sanders has to add to his legacy.

Biggest Song: "Fast Life" f/ Ghostface Killah & Andre Rison
Date: 11/26/96
Grade: 4.5

Finally, a decent NFL rapper effort. NFL Jams was a 1996 album that featured NFL stars preforming alongside high-caliber talent. It's a very novel idea on paper, matching Ghostface Killah's storytelling with Jaguars wide receiver Andre Rison and putting Phife Dawg and Giants running back Rodney Hampton over a J Dilla beat. But it's all executed pretty well, and it's not just because the rappers did their jobs; the NFL players actually sound decent, which was a rarity back in the day.

Peep running back Ricky Watter's couple of lines for instance: "Infiltrate your mind like Nino at the Carter, but smarter/So drop harder, if you wanna conjugate/Verbs and nouns, make it profound as I pound." It's not something that'd make you go "Bars!" but it's effective enough since Watter actually sounds engaged as he's performing. NFL Jams had a lesser sequel in 1998. Rison also laid some bars over ex-girlfriend Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes' (RIP) "Rags to Riches."

Biggest Song: "Mayhem Maybin"
Date: 11/11/10
Grade: 1.5

It's understandable Maybin wanted to try something new after being one of the worst players in the league. It turns out Maybin is just as bad a rapper as he is a linebacker. Jerry Rice had better bars than him in the 49ers rap. If you're still curious, give it a listen here.

Biggest Song: "Heavy"
Date: 2010
Grade: 2.5

Rapping isn't just a leisurely activity for Brandon Lloyd. The wide receiver has been writing since he was a teenager, has reportedly recorded over 150 songs, and even appeared on MTV 2 for a Sucker Freestyle. One of those songs, "Heavy," was featured in the tragically cancelled Blue Mountain State. If there's one thing that's clear listening to his music, it's that he apparently has a lot of haters, likes rock-influenced production, and isn't shy about using autotune.

Biggest Song: "Act on Deck"
Date: 6/5/11
Grade: 1.5

Chris Johnson may be spitting the realest verse of the decade. He may be warning us he's the new King of Rap. He could be changing the game with his lyrics. We wouldn't know, because we're too much in shock over his use of a busy signal as a beat to pay attention to the verse.

Biggest Song: "Overtime" f/ Goons United by the New School
Date: 7/20/11
Grade: 2.5

Asante Samuel started the Deepside Entertainment record label as a passion project. The cornerback told Vibe recently that he started the label as a means to give people at at-risk areas in Florida jobs and a means to stay out of trouble. The goodwill doesn't necessarily translate to good mic skills though. Samuel had some extra time during the NFL lockout and the results aren't pretty.

Biggest Song: "Run It Back" f/ The Game
Date: 2012
Grade: 3

Even being a competent rapper is good enough in the vast wasteland known as NFL rap. Johnson is fully aware of the idea of athletes wanting to be like rappers and vice versa, but thankfully the wide receiver isn't just a wannabe. Part of the reason is because his cousin is Bay Area rapper Ya Boy. Johnson's flow is actually pretty decent, and although his ear for beats is severely lacking, the dude is actually worth a listen. Stevie Johnson has released a mixtape with Buffalo artist G5Gi and recorded a song with The Game—which automatically gives him more cred than a majority of the players on this list.

Biggest Song: "Diamonds on my Neck" f/ Snoop Dogg & Yung Chris
Date: 7/5/13
Grade: 4

DeSean Jackson's video doesn't totally account for the years of lackluster NFL raps from the '80s, but this is certainly a step toward doing so. Many thought the wide receiver's interest in the music industry was the reason for Jackson eying Jay Z's Roc Nation early this summer. He ended up not joining though, and enlisted Snoop Dogg on this single about the pursuit of diamonds, wearing them, and how great life is for them right now. Despite how Jackson's protege lost $10,000 after getting beat by Lil Snupe (RIP) in a rap battle. Jackson's energetic verse and the hook is decent enough not to be slept on, too. Sadly, there's no Shirley Bassey references here.

Biggest Song: "Slab City"
Date: 7/31/13
Grade: 3

Tyga's "Rack City" is going to be more relevant than the rapper who created it for a while. People like retired defensive tackle Anthony Adams are probably going to keep it that way since they insist on recording verses on the beat. This verse is about ribs though, and it's very hard to go wrong with that. His flow is distinctively drowsy—maybe a bit too drowsy for repeated listens—but for a one-off this is pretty solid. "I got your grandma on my ribs." Touche, Adams. Touche.

Biggest Song: N/A
Date: 8/6/13
Grade: 3

The greatest rapping brother tandem since Clipse? Nah, but of course the Manning brothers aren't trying to do that. The duo brings out its inner Big Daddy Kane and Adam Samberg. The result: A panty-dropper where Archie Manning makes an appearance, Alexander Graham Bell gets dissed (bless his soul), and little dudes gets swagged on for using their phones for stupid shit like calling people. Oh yeah, it's football on your pphooooonnnneeee.