The 25 Most Ridiculous Car Names of All Time

Cars can have inspiring names; names like Ford Mustang and Aston Martin Vanquish stir the soul. Certain other names poke at the funny bone, however. Some are just laughably bad attempts, while many others fall into the category of "that probably sounded better in the company's native language." For some reason, Japanese vans seem to be the most likely to have a really insane name, name.

Some of these are truly horrific — so horrific that the Mitsubishi Pistachio didn't even make the cut.

What It Is: A weird looking luxury concept from 1967.

Why This Name Sucks: We all know that massive luxury sedans like Bentleys and Lincoln Continentals are ostentatious. It's obnoxious in the extreme to actually name the car that.

What It Is: An economy car from France, as sold by AMC.

Why The Name Sucks: There are two different ways this name could suck. Either marketing people decided to call it "The Car" in pseudo-French, or they actually wanted to name it something that translates to "the because."

What It Is: A Japanese Domestic Market kei car (light automobile, a separate classification in Japan) that takes the form of a particularly tall wagon.

Why This Name Sucks: That's what? What is the "that" that we're referring to? Is "that" the car or is the car trying to tell us about something else but not quite getting it out, like a dying mentor in a fantasy epic?

Our best guess as this point is that the designer was about to say "that's going to be named [something]" while pointing at the car when he suffered a massive heart attack. The marketing people just had to assume that, with his last moment, he pointed at the car and spoke its name: "that's."

What It Is: A compact pickup truck.

Why The Name Sucks: Men don't want to buy trucks named after things that cause women to make that cute induced squealing noise; this is why you don't see any Ram Easter Dresses for Babies on the road. Men want to buy a truck named something like "Tyrannosaurus Destroyer Adventure."

Also, nonsensical and extraneous apostrophes are the work of the devil.

What It Is: A compact pick up from China.

Why The Name Sucks: It sounds like what a confused toddler would say to his mother when he needs to urinate.

What It Is: Ford's answer to the Acura Integra.

Why The Name Sucks: It was an attempt to sound high-tech. It came across as being high-tech in the same way as a perverted alien abduction story. Sure, we all recognize that probe doesn't necessarily mean "anal probe" but it's the first thing we all think when we hear the word.

What It Is: A light dump truck.

Why The Name Sucks: Omitting the word "truck" was a big mistake.

What It Is: An amazingly sensual and awesome executive sedan with a Ferrari V8.

Why The Name Sucks: It's called the "Four Doors." If that's not an unoriginal name we don't know what is. Some people think it's OK because "quattroporte" is in another language and, as such, sounds kinda cool. We'd like these people to recognize that this car does not have a different name in Italy. Imagine if Ford had called the Mustang the "two doors and four seats." We expect better from Maserati.

What It Is: A van that looks suspiciously like a platypus.

Why The Name Sucks: It looks like a billed waterfowl of some sort, but it sounds like a Jewish kid who's slicing pastrami for his first job.

What It Is: A suppository shaped amphibious car from China.

Why The Name Sucks: We can understand calling it "Fish" given that it can swim, but why "Detroit Fish?" Detroit isn't really known for much beyond the auto industry, pot holes, and crime. Why not the "Tuna Fish," as tuna can top 40mph, or the "Swordfish" because they're cool, or even the "Fried Fish" in a hollow attempt to capture the largely Christian American audience?

What It Is: An Italian, 5hp, open air clown car.

Why The Name Sucks: Who wouldn't want to drive a "stupid and promiscuous?"

What It Is: A teeny-tiny van.

Why The Name Sucks: Misters Merriam and Webster tell me that scrum means "a tightly packed or disorderly crowd." While the name is certainly accurate, given this van's pathetic stature, that's really not the trait you want to advertise. It's like if Ford had called the Pinto the "Ford Fiery Death" or if Daewoo had called all of its cars the "Daewoo Total Shit-Piece."

What It Is: The Korean equivalent of a Jeep Wrangler.

Why The Name Sucks: It sounds less like a Korean military-derived vehicle and more like a porn star.

What It Is: A variant of the Mincia.

Why The Name Sucks: This might be the least inspiring name of any car ever made. Why not name it the "Beige," the "Adequate?"

What It Is: A dump truck.

Why The Name Sucks: Yes, we understand that it's a dump truck, but without the word "truck" it sounds more like what happens after that Miralax finally kicks in.

What It Is: The turbocharged version of the kei car Honda Life.

Why The Name Sucks: "Honda Life" is a passable, if ever so slightly odd name by itself. What's really mystifying is why Honda thought that the word "Dunk" would be perfect to signify the presence of a turbocharger. What would have been wrong with calling it the "Honda Life Turbo?"

What It Is: A full size passenger SUV.

Why The Name Sucks: You can see how this might have sounded really cool in Japanese. In English it just sounds like something that would hang out with that annoying paper clip from Microsoft Office.

What It Is: A small turbocharged van.

Why The Name Sucks: Random Happy Excitement Words!

What It Is: A concept for what would have been the Smart For Two if it had been made in Japan in 1985.

Why This Name Sucks: "Mini," "active," and "urban" are all things one expects to see on a concept car's name. When they all get thrown together at once it starts to look like somebody just drew some buzzwords out of a hat. And then we get to "sandal," and we have absolutely no explanation for that.

This car was also billed as the MAUS, which some of us learned in history class is the proper way to anthropomorphize German-Jews during the second world war.

What It Is: A Japanese camper van.

Why The Name Sucks: It's just weird. First of all, "Bongo" is a very strange name for a line of commercial vans. Secondly, what about the quasi-word/mispronunciation "Friendee" says "comes with a kitchenette?"

What It Is: A special edition of a minuscule 61hp hatchback.

Why The Name Sucks: It sounds like the title of a broadway musical that was written by a chimp with a rudimentary understanding of language.

What It Is: An Australian style ute for the Chinese market.

Why The Name Sucks: "Eat yer gosh darned peas or by golly I'll bend you over and get my switch right now, young man!"

What It Is: The longest iteration of Nissan's small camper van.

Why The Name Sucks: How is this not a penis joke?

What It Is: A kei car that's somewhere between a real Hummer and a Power Wheels Hummer.

Why The Name Sucks: It's called "naked," thus conjuring images of flabby nude beaches, awkward men running across soccer pitches, and that time you walked in on your grand mother when she was in the bath.

What It Is: A compact off roader.

Why The Name Sucks: Seriously? Whose bright idea was it to name this little SUV something that evokes the wonderful feeling of scooping the litter box?