Back in February, porn site xHamster put the word out that they were looking for a small-fisted Donald Trump lookalike to star in a porn about Trump and his sexcapades (think Who's Nailin' Paylin, which starred the GOAT Lisa Ann). If you were on the edge of your seat with anticipation over who would be the most Trump-centric porn star to get top billing in this movie, xHamster's got you covered; they've announced that a guy going by the handle Johnny Brutal is their Donald Trump.
"My fellow Americans, as your newly elected cumander in chief I want you to rest assured that I've got yuge plans for our great nation," Brutal told xHamster. "I want to be the President of porn for all xHamster fans and I won't stop busting my ass (or busting on asses) until I've helped deliver the most wonderful, the most fantastic, the most beautiful scenes ever filmed. I mean big league cinema, okay?! Friends, trust me, place your sexual futures in my normal sized hands, and place some lube in yours; together...let's make America 'cum again."
That's right, it looks like xHamster overlooked Brutal's normal-sized hands and let him play Trump anyways.
Brutal has an interesting story, though. Well at least it's interesting that before pursuing this opportunity to play the, um, "cumander in chief," he worked as a dialysis technician in Minnesota. "My intentions at first were just for pure humor. I’m kind of a jokester," he told Voactiv. "Now I’m kind of like the dog that got the car. Now I have it and I’m like, ‘Shit!'"
Apparently Brutal thought he was a lock for this contest. He says he saw that it was a real thing around Thanksgiving, and figured that after he spent Halloween dressing up as Trump (while perfecting his impression), he should enter. And while he never had aspirations to become a porn star, he has wanted to be an actor. "Now that it’s an opportunity, I guess I just look at it as an acting job."
Only you're acting like our president while trying to last as long as possible.
According to xHamster, they hope this flick ends up being a (porn) star-studded affair, with porn vets Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson being eyed to portray Steve Bannon and herself (respectively), along with "plans to offer Julia Ann the role of Kellyanne Conway, Nina Hartley as Betsy DeVos, [and] Tommy Pistol as Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto."
And what will xHamster do if dude can't perform? "[I]f worse comes to worse, we’ll just have him stand around watching women pee on each other and tweeting. It’s a win-win."