Battle of the Daddy Issues: Here Are Some Father's Day Predictions for Tonight's 'Game of Thrones'

Game of Thrones is pulling a cheeky and very promising move by scheduling its action-packed penultimate episode "The Battle of the Bastards" on Father's Day—and I'm here for it. Though women are the real heroes of the show, episode-long battle scenes have historically been 60 minutes of penis sword fights and the main characters' action-packed confrontations of each other, as well as their weird (and sometimes lol-worthy) masculinity issues.

At Battle of the Blackwater in season two, Tyrion rose from his status as an "imp" to transform into the true protector of King's Landing. While Stannis' entire armed force nearly burned to death, he stubbornly refused to back down over his ideas of birthright and honor. And who can forget the Hound's very bro-ey mid-battle request for booze and his resounding "fuck the King."

The Battle of Castle Black at the end of season four was way less fun to watch, but still necessary to move the plot forward. Jon experienced all these ~leadership conflicts~, while Samwise Gamgee Tarly only thought about love and death, or rather, living long enough to see Gilly again. When she (rightfully) pleaded with Sam not to fight, he responded that he had to keep his vow "because that's what men do."

The Battle of the Bastards tonight will be another episode devoted entirely to the fight over Winterfell, and with the daddy issues that Jon Snow and Ramsay so clearly have—Jon was never truly acknowledged by his father; Ramsay killed his—it promises to have all the violence, raw emotion, and pure angst to make an unforgettable moment. Here are some predictions for tonight's very fatherly, fraught episode of Game of Thrones.

Based on HBO's sneak peak, Jon is going to offer a true battle of the bastards—a one-on-one fight between him and Ramsay—to spare his army of Wildlings and Northerners from death. Obviously, Ramsay will say no because he's an overconfident sociopath. We also see Jon tell Melisandre that if he dies, he doesn't want to be resurrected.

In terms of Starks, I think that Jon and Sansa will live, but Rickon will die.

Sansa's definitely going to live: Actress Sophie Turner already implied that she survives season six in an interview. And if Benioff and Weiss kill Jon now, viewers everywhere will do a collective, full-body eyeroll powerful enough to fuck up the Earth's rotation. It would be less bad (and not unprecedented in terms of shock) if Jon dies and stays dead, but it'll feel like a cop-out—why have him "dead" for 10 months and then bring him back for less than one season?

Sorry Ricks, you're the most "dispensable" Stark, and it has been a suspiciously long time since we've experienced Stark-related heartbreak. We've been so delighted by warm Stark moments all season long, like the Jon/Sansa reunion, that a comeuppance may be in order. Though, losing a character we haven't even seen in a few seasons might feel like a small price to pay.

There's also possible insight in each Direwolf's name, and what they mean for their respective owners:

Ramsay will probably kill Rickon in a characteristically terrible manner that will fuel the Northerners to give the bastard the fate we've all been dying to see. But let's talk more about Ramsay...

Finally, we'll get to see the ex-bastard (yet still a bastard) Ramsay Bolton die, but the question remains: How? Based on the preview, the odds are really stacked against Jon. If (and when) he's going to prevail, he'll need a Gandalf in The Two Towers-caliber savior.

Littlefinger and the Knights of the Vale could come through, and while that might bring enough manpower to get the job done, it would feel messy and unsatisfying. Littlefinger's motives were crystal clear in earlier seasons: be near Catelyn Stark and obtain power. With Catelyn gone and a shaky relationship with the crown (he helped Sansa escape after Joffrey's death!), it's hard to discern what he's getting out of his relationship with Robin Arryn. Littlefinger might bring the army to save Sansa in a bid to be her creepy uncle/predator/wannabe-lover, but that seems...meh.

What I want to see is a true Northern victory. Northern houses, especially the Umbers, could rise up against the Boltons and betray Ramsay on the battlefield—or reveal that they were never loyal to him to begin with. (There are some fan theories that Rickon ordered being turned over to Ramsay and Shaggy Dog isn't really dead, but I don't think so. If Rickon had ordered it, he would have gone alone rather than risk Osha's life, and it's likely known throughout the Seven Kingdoms that Ramsay Bolton's violence is unpredictable.)

Maybe the Umbers will switch loyalty from the Boltons to the Starks once they see Rickon's dead body, once they hear that Jon came back from the dead, or once they see the elements of the North culminating in Jon's army (the Wildlings, great Northern houses like the Mormonts, and a freaking giant.) Here's evidence casting doubt on the Umbers' allegiance to Ramsay:

When the Boltons were facing Stannis' army, Roose warned Ramsay against leaving the castle to defend Winterfell. The structure is famously difficult to penetrate, but Ramsay was able to take Stannis down using guerilla tactics because his camp was a mess of deserters and child-burning. It might be Smalljon or his own ego that convinces Ramsay to meet Jon in the open field; either way, it'll make Winterfell easier to take back. As for who gets to actually kill Ramsay, it would be most satisfying to see a Stark do the deed, be it Jon, Sansa, or Brienne in Sansa's stead. Remember though: even when the result is good, Game of Thrones has never been too concerned with momentous payoffs. We all wanted Sansa or Tyrion to end King Joffrey's life in some dramatic fashion, and he ended up being poisoned by a then-faceless culprit.

Still, at this point, we just want Ramsay dead—we don't really care who does it.

I love Davos as much as the next person, but he is kind, just, loyal, and good—which means he's not long for the Game of Thrones world. His son is dead, his king is dead, and Shireen is dead (and he doesn't even know how!); Davos is almost certainly dead. Take solace in the fact that Benioff and Weiss will probably make it really ham-fisted and emotional—the classic combination that evokes my embarrassed yet inevitable tears.

We're going to see triumph in the Battle of the Bastards, but it'll come at great cost. I think we're going to lose Davos, fan favorite and resident zaddy Tormund Giantsbane, and even Wun Wun the giant. But we're going to see a resurrected and powerful North, and the Starks will finally take back Winterfell.