It’s not hard to figure out why a person would want to take a break from social media. If you get too attached to Instagram, you’ll not only become a client of #Creeplife, you’ll turn out to be the hashtag’s president.

With Twitter, there’s only so many messages reeking of insecurity, pure evil, and flat-out stupidity a person should be allowed to stomach. And when it comes to Facebook, well, I think most of us can agree that ship sailed the minute they stopped requiring a college email address and started asking your granny and nasty uncle (the one always hitting on your homegirls) to join, too.

So yes, a social media sabbatical may be necessary for most (including yours truly) or perhaps even a complete withdrawal if it ever gets to be too much for a person. Still, here’s another pet peeve of mine (I have many, and yes that’s okay) with respect to people’s online habits: The need to announce a social media break. Worse, the need to announce a social media exit strategy that everyone with at least 40 percent of working common sense knows ain’t gon’ happen. The Too $hort/Jay Z guide to false retirement, if you will. 

No wants to read a diatribe as to why you’re taking a break. No one wants to see you go on a virtual world tour saying your goodbyes. You don’t have to thank each and every follower for engaging you for all of these years as if these people paid your rent.

Nobody wants to read a diatribe as to why you’re taking a break. No one wants to see you go on a virtual world tour saying your goodbyes. You don’t have to thank each and every follower for engaging you for all of these years as if these people paid your rent. Even if they did, send that thank you note via snail mail or gchat.

I’m not being hyperbolic either; I’ve witnessed people do the most. It’s unnecessary and annoying as all hell. Whenever I spot it, I wonder if I’m supposed to tweet back lyrics of Queen’s “We Are The Champions.” That or Z-Ro’s “I Hate You Bitch.”

So if you’re confused as to how this works, here’s the proper way to exit social media:

Step 1: Delete or deactivate your social media profile.

Step 2: Delete the app from your phone, and if you’re that pressed, whatever applicable apps you have on your computer.

Step 3: Stay your ass off of the social media platform you claim you’re quitting.

Step 4: Live your life (AYY! Ayyy ayyy ayyy)!

Step 5: Stay gone. For real. You said you were leaving, so get. 

If you’re on a temporary break, replace Step 1 with, “Give your password to a friend that will act as a disciplinarian.” And that’s it. You don’t have to do anything else.

Why, oh, why people feel like everything they do requires an explanation is beyond my comprehension. It reeks of narcissism, of the “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! NAH, FOR REAL, B, LOOK AT ME! EFFIE WHITE STYLE!” variety. 

Bottom line: Don’t announce a break. Just go.

Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.

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