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Those words "Dothraki," "Daenerys," and "Khaleesi" you've been hearing lately aren't indications that your friends are suddenly speaking in tongues—it's once again time for HBO's epic fantasy drama series Game of Thrones, and, understandably so, fans are stoked.
With more family trees and fantastical characters than Mario Puzo and J.R.R. Tolkien combined, author George R.R. Martin's A Song of Fire and Ice string of bulky, involving novels has given Game of Thrones co-creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss a wealth of material from which to pack 10 robust episodes per season.
That abundance of story has also turned HBO's celebration of dragons, kingdoms, and T&A into television's hardest show to follow—well, assuming you haven't read any of Martin's books. Early discussions are pegging the show's fourth season (which begins tonight at 9 p.m. EST) as its bloodiest one yet, setting expectations for a plethora of "Oh, shit!" moments quite high.
Naturally, many people who've resisted Game of Thrones are now finding themselves ready to join up but also intimidated by catching up with all that's happened so far. That's where we come in—simply use the following GIF gallery to acquaint yourselves with everything you'll need to know before watching season four of Game of Thrones. You'll be able to cite names like "Stannis Baratheon" in no time.
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Ned, "the Hand"
King Robert Baratheon names Ned Stark "the hand of the king," meaning he's now the king's right-hand man.
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Daenerys meets Khal
Daenerys Targaryen meets her new husband, Dothraki warlord Khal Drogo, for the first time, after Daenerys' brother, Viserys, makes her marry him in order to obtain an army.
Jaime pushes Bran
Bran Stark (son of Ned) catches siblings Jaime and Cersei Lannister—Cersei is the Queen—having sex, so Jaime pushes Bran out a window. But the boy is only injured, not killed.
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Bran Almost Killed
Someone tries to kill Bran while he's sleeping, but his pet wolf saves him.
Jon Snow and Sam
Jon Snow—bastard son of Ned Stark—joins the Night's Watch, an elite team that protects the kingdom from danger (especially the dreaded White Walkers). Snow makes a friend there, the fat Sam.
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Ned Confronts Cersei
Ned Stark confronts Cersei after learning that all of her children are Jaime's, not the King's. Gross.
Daenerys Eats a Heart
Daenerys, a badass, eats the heart of a stallion to prove that she's the ride-or-die woman for Khal Drogo.
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Jaime Kills Ned's Men
Jaime kills Ned's men right in front of him, and injures Ned with a spear.
Tyrion Put on Trial
Tyrion Lannister—the level-headed, defiant sibling of Jaime and Cersei—goes on trial after being framed for sending the assassin to murder Bran.
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Khal Kills Viserys
Viserys pushes Khal too far, threatening to kill his unborn son if the Dothraki badass doesn't give Viserys his army. Fed up with his brother-in-law's nonsense, Khal kills Viserys by pouring hot, liquid gold over his head and body.
Tyrion Chooses Bron
Tyrion finds a bodyguard, Bronn, after Bronn kills a man before the judge and jury accusing Tyrion of attempted murder.
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Joffrey the King
King Robert comes back from a hunting trip with a fatal wound. Once he's dead, Joffrey (his sonofabitch child) becomes the new king. His first order of business: sentencing Ned Stark to death for challenging his authority.
Ned Stark Dies
Under Joffrey's orders, Ned Stark gets beheaded in front of a large crowd.
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Robb Stark Captures Jaime Lannister
In response to his father's death, Robb Stark makes a power move in the war against the Lannisters by capturing Jaime (the sister-fucker and child-pusher).
Joffrey Keeps Sansa
Joffrey uses his power to make Sansa Stark (eldest daughter of recently departed Ned) his queen.
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Arya Goes to Tywin
Arya Stark (youngest daughter of Ned and gangster-ass tomboy), having run away after seeing her father die, falls into Lord Tywin Lannister's court of servants.
Khal Dies
After being wounded in battle, Khal Drogo slowly withers away. Out of pity, Daenerys, eater of hearts, smothers him with a pillow.
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Daenerys Fire
During Khal's fire-powered funeral, Daenerys walks through the flames before her dragon eggs hatch.
Tyrion, "the Hand"
Lord Tywin Lannister orders Tyrion (the dwarf) to become King Joffrey's new "hand," since Tywin is still off fighting the Starks.
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Theon Travels
Theon Greyjoy—another of the late Ned Stark's wards—travels to his father's castle to obtain ships for Robb's army. Along the way, he links up with his older sister, Yara, and they get a little frisky. Incest is best?
Stannis and Melisandre
Stannis Baratheon (brother to the late king), under the seductive and freaky influence of Melisandre, sets out to takeover the kingdom.
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Theon Burns Kids
Theon Greyjoy takes over Winterfell, the caste of the late Ned Stark. To intimidate the people, he hangs the burnt corpses of two little kids from the walls. Fortunately, Bran (the kid who fell) is not one of them.
Melisandre's Shadow Demon
Melisandre, who's been fucking around with Stannis Baratheon (the late king's brother) gives birth to a shadow demon.
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Renly Dies
Melisandre's shadow demon kills Renly Baratheon, giving Stannis more power.
Shae and Sansa
Tyrion's lover, the prostitute Shae, becomes Sansa's new maiden. (Remember, Sansa is the new Queen and Tyrion is the dwarf.)
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Dragons Stolen
Daenerys' dragons are stolen while she's in Qarth.
Robb and Talisa
Robb Stark falls in love with a healer named Talisa Maegyr, then breaks his engagement to the daughter of Walder Frey, Lord of the Twins, and marries Talisa.
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Brienne and Jaime
On Catelyn Tully's orders—Tully is Ned Stark's widow—warrior Brienne of Tarth escorts Jaime (the sister-fucker) to King's Landing.
Tyrion Saves Sansa
Tyrion interjects when Joffrey, the king, is about to have Sansa, his queen, killed before his court.
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Jaqen and Arya
The face-changing assassin Jaqen helps Arya, Ned Stark's tomboy daughter, escape from Tywin's court.
Blackwater
Stannis' fleet arrives at King's Landing, but a counter attack by Tywin Lannister causes him to lose the battle.
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Tyrion Slashed
Tyrion gets slashed in the face during the big battle. Then, Joffrey strips him of his "Hand of the King" title.
Joffrey and Margaery
Joffrey's engagement to Sansa gets annulled so he can marry Margaery Tyrell, the late Renly Baratheon's power-seeking wife.
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Theon Betrayed
In the middle of giving a rousing speech, Theon Greyjoy gets hit over the head by one of his men, who's responding to a clemency offer from Robb.
Tywin, "the Hand"
Joffrey names Tywin the new Hand of the King.
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Daenerys Gets Her Dragons Back
To escape with her dragons, Daenerys kills Pyat Pree, the warlock who kidnapped them.
White Walkers March
The White Walkers begin their march toward the Night's Watch's camp.
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Jon Snow and Mance Rayder
Going full The Departed, Jon Snow pledges his allegiance to Wildlings leader Mance Rayder in order to go undercover and learn about everything they’re planning.
Daenerys Takes Command of the Unsullied
In the slave-filled city of Astapor, Daenerys meets with one of its Good Masters, a cocky douchebag named Kraznys, about obtaining some of his Unsullied army for her own command. He treats her like crap and talks about her in foreign tongues. Daenerys, being a supreme boss chick, gets all of the Unsullied to turn on, and kill, the Good Masters, leaving Kraznys for her dragon Drogon to incinerate.
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Theon Greyjoy's Torture Porn
Theon is mercilessly tortured by Ramsay Snow, the bastard son of Roose Bolton. In no particular order, Theon—whose new name, per Ramsay, is “Reek”—suffers as his fingernails are pried off, a nail is driven through his foot, his pinkie gets dismembered, and, worst of all, his Little Guy Downstairs gets severed and mailed back to Theon’s father, Balon Greyjoy.
Jaime and Brienne vs. the Bear
Reps from House Bolton capture Jaime and Brienne. They cut off Jaime’s right hand, which sends him into a depression. Eventually, the Boltons sends him back to King’s Landing, but without Brienne, whom they keep as a prisoner. Becoming Captain Save-A-Tarth, Jaime returns, finds her in a pit with a bear, pulls a Ron Burgundy, and then heads back to King’s Landing with her.
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Jon Snow and Ygritte Have Sex
In too deep (both figuratively and, um, literally), Jon Snow’s growing attraction to feisty redhead Ygritte culminates in some hot bumping of uglies in a steamy, pre-electricity hot tub.
Jon Snow and Ygritte Break Up
Jon Snow’s true colors get exposed, though, when he’s unable to murder someone on Wildling shotcaller Orell’s orders. For his betrayal, Ygritte shoots three arrows into Jon. He lives, though, and his horse brings him safely back to Castle Black.
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Tywin Arranges Awful Marriages
To keep the Lannisters powerful, Tywin makes Tyrion marry Sansa Stark and Cersei marry Loras, Margaery’s closeted brother (yup, Joffrey’s brother-in-law will also be his stepfather). At least Tyrion knows how to cope—he gets ridiculously hammered at his and Sansa’s wedding feast.
Arya and The Hound
Arya and travel mate Gendry get captured by the Brotherhood Without Banners. The Brotherhood sells Gendry to Melisandre. Arya, none too happy about that, escapes but involuntarily becomes The Hound's travel companion. Next stop: Walder Frey's The Twins castle.
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The Red Wedding
Robb and Catelyn are at The Twins to secure Walder Frey’s allegiance. Unfortunately, Walder gets his revenge against Robb for breaking their marriage pact. Frey’s men fire arrows into Robb, stab the pregnant Talisa to death, and slit Catelyn’s throat. Roose Bolton finishes Robb off himself, with these parting words: “The Lannisters send their regards.”
Arya Gets Some Revenge
Arya and The Hound come across four Frey soldiers sitting around a campfire and cracking jokes about killing Robb and Catelyn. Since she’s a little badass, Arya prison-shanks one of them while the Hound offs the other three.
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