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Most critics, especially the highbrow ones, hate him. Popcorn audiences, judging by the large box office grosses of his blockbuster films, love his work. And the man himself, based on his no-fucks-given attitude in interviews and the mystical playboy aura that wafts from him, wouldn't have it any other way.
Yes, we're talking about Michael Bay, one of the most divisive filmmakers to ever scream, "Action!" And boy does he love everything about that word. Since 1995, the former music video helmer and Victoria's Secret commercial shotcaller has kept his brand of explosive cinema extremely one-note. In lieu of well-written scripts and layered characters, Bay's movies—from the Bad Boys flicks to Pearl Harbor and the Transformers franchise—stick to what the man knows: endless destruction, often incoherent action, stuff blowing up, glossy visual palettes, and actresses acting sexily instead of, well, actually acting.
Unsurprisingly, film purists loathe everything about his style. Whenever it's time to review a Michael Bay production, critics sharpen their knives, put on the warpaint, and pound away on those keyboards to string vitriol together into seething paragraphs. And, again, Bay doesn't give a what, as evidenced by his latest effort, Pain & Gain (in theaters today), an action-comedy about meathead criminals (played by Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, and Anthony Mackie) that, had he embraced the material's stripped-down potential, could have been Bay's more intimate response to his haters. The film's budget—a reported $25 million—is peanuts compared to the price tags of his previous ones, and there's not a shapeshifting automobile in sight. But nothing's changed.
True to form, Bay kissed all subtleties goodbye and cranked out a gleefully bombastic and tonally insane romp that's just as knowingly shallow as his older films. Before you seek out Pain & Gain's anti-Mike critiques, though, take an angry trip down memory lane as count down the 25 meanest things said about Michael Bay's movies in reviews.
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Compiled by Matt Barone (@MBarone)
25. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a bewildering, noisy, sloppy, cynical piece of work, a movie that sneers at the audience for 147 minutes and expects us to lap it up as entertainment-and be grateful." (Robert Wilonsky, Village Voice)
24. Bad Boys II (2003)
"There was once a time when a hero would sacrifice his own life rather than injure innocent bystanders. No longer. The heroes of Bad Boys II are egotistical monsters, concerned only with their power, their one-liners, their weapons, their cars, their desires. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that characters who wipe out a village can also make cruel jokes at the expense of a kid on his first date. Everybody involved in this project needs to do some community service." (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
23. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
"At 157 minutes, Transformers: Dark of the Moon isn't just a movie. It's a sentence." (John Anderson, Wall Street Journal)
22. The Island (2005)
"Pure Bay. Utterly soulless. Earplugs optional." (Glenn Whipp, Los Angeles Daily News)
21. The Rock (1996)
"By the time [Nicolas] Cage says, late in the film, 'OK, that's just about the most awful thing I've ever seen,' the audience should be ready to agree." (Chris Hicks, Deseret News)
20. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
"I miraculously survived a preview screening with a throbbing headache and slight nausea; others may not be so lucky." (Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
19. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"It's the movie to see if the most important person in your life is Optimus Prime. If, like me, you think Optimus Prime is a Roman steakhouse, move on." (Gary Thompson, Philadelphia Daily News)
18. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
"Are there any ideas here? Other than to make more than $1.5bn, what is the point of a Michael Bay movie?" (Jason Solomons, The Observer)
17. Bad Boys (1995)
"Bad Boys is relentless formulaic fodder for the explosion-starved; it's loud, shallow, sexist and a complete waste of time." (Rita Kempley, The Washington Post)
16. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
"With the constant LOUD NOISES, anaemic storytelling, non-existent emotional resonance and cringingly bad comedy, this expensive sound-and-light show is a bit like slamming your head repeatedly against an arcade pinball machine for 150 minutes." (Simon Reynolds, Digital Spy)
14. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination." (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
13. The Island (2005)
"Instead of a movie, he's delivered a beer commercial version of Logan's Run for the lobotomized." (Kevin Carr, 7M Pictures)
12. Transformers (2007)
"It's a sickening force-feeding commercial frenzy to sell cars, toys and war in the same breath that it pawns itself off as 'cinema.' This is not cinema. This is acid kool-aid for children. Don't drink it." (Cole Smithey, ColeSmithey.com)
11. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"Bayformers 2 is a mess of a story loosely glued together with lame jokes, fighting pixels and Megan Fox's ass." (Mike Edwards, What Culture)
10. Pearl Harbor (2001)
"[Ben] Affleck, [Josh] Hartnett and [Kate] Beckinsale give performances of such somnambulist awfulness that the three of them achieve an almost zen-like state of woodenness." (Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian)
9. Pearl Harbor (2001)
"The kind of crap that deserves to be slapped silly." (MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Philosopher)
8. Armageddon (1998)
"The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they're charging to get it, it's worth more to get out." (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
7. Bad Boys II (2003)
"I saw this movie on a triple-dog dare. I wish I had opted to wait six months so I could stick my tongue to a flagpole in the freezing cold for an hour. A cinematic fist to the groin." (Collin Souter, eFilmCritic)
6. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"If you ever wondered what a movie would look like geared toward the underdeveloped brain of a gestating zygote...then Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the insipid illustration you've been waiting for." (Bill Gibron, PopMatters)
5. Pearl Harbor (2001)
"Boring, unpleasant and ghoulish. Surely the people who died at Pearl Harbor deserve better than this." (Scott Weinberg, eFilmCritic)
4. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
"This celluloid abortion should be buried in a vault and shown to film students as an example of big Hollywood at its worst." (Julian Roman, MovieWeb)
3. Bad Boys II (2003)
"Bad Boys II isn't just bad—it's a catastrophic violation of every aspect of cinema that I as a film critic hold dear." (James Berardinelli, ReelViews)
2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
"The result is still like being urinated upon, but at least this time Michael Bay was considerate enough not to ingest asparagus first." (Garth Franklin, Dark Horizons)
1. Armageddon (1998)
"Not long into Armageddon's two-and-a-half-hour length I found myself thinking, 'Let the planet go—nothing is worth this aggravation.'" (Peter Keough, The Boston Phoenix)
