What the Hell Just Happened in Music This Week?

Yeezy Season is in full effect, but you probably already knew that.

This week, while Kanye West was taking the spotlight, Birdman, Lil Wayne and Drake revealed themselves as the new Big Tymers. The only problem is, there's no Mannie Fresh. The other problem is, well, Birdman just needs to encourage his artists to create some new franchises—no we don't want IANAHBIII and please don't call Nicki's next album Pink Friday: The Pink Sequel to Pinkprint. And is it really that difficult to just call yourselves Rich Gang, still? Confusing.

Speaking of Drake, he wore Dada. Yes, Dada. And white Timberland boots. Before that, Daft Punk's Random Access Memories leaked and the Interwebs went crazy. Meanwhile Lauryn Hill performed at Williamsburg Music Hall, even though she's going behind bars pretty soon. Tim Dog may have not actually died, and Rock the Bells is trying to create "virtual representations" (AKA HOLOGRAMS) of ODB and Eazy-E. All that and more in this week's edition of What the Hell Just Happened in Music This Week?

RELATED: What The Hell Just Happened in Music During The First Quarter of 2013?

Date: May 13

Maybe it was the robot helmets, or that fancy Pitchfork cover with the fire and stuff, or the fact that we really liked that Kanye song back in the day, but for some reason we were all really looking forward to the Daft Punk album. What were we thinking? These Parisian disco DJs are damn near 40 years old. How the hell are they supposed to make cutting-edge dance music in 2013? EDM is a job for young men—with the possible exception of Bass Nectar. So why were we surprised when Random Access Memories sounded like some old Herbie Hancock album cuts, or the soundtrack to a bad '70s porno? Like the Who once said, "We won't get fooled again." —Rob Kenner

Date: May 14

Lauryn Hill had to report to jail, so she performed one last concert in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Tickets were $85 (and up) in advance, and $100 at the door. She released her first new track in years, a noisey, messy cavalcade of doubletime raps and righteous political anger directed either too specifically or too broadly to be all that useful. She has an erratic track record, and hasn't released a full LP since her critically-maligned Unplugged record. Attendees had no real reason to be hopeful.

Then she put on the show of a lifetime. One great way to justify charging your fans out the ass for a show is to give them a hell of a show, and Hill pulled it off like her life depended on it. Maybe it was the drama of her impending jail time, or perhaps it was years spent honing her craft. Maybe it was the presence of her son in the balcony, or the energetic backing band. Any way you slice it, Lauryn Hill transcended expectations. Sure, she still had her eccentric moments, and the sound engineer looked like he or she probably had a rough night trying to keep up with L-Boogie's on-the-fly volume adjustments. But damn if it wasn't worth it for the rest of us. —David Drake

RELATED: Reviewed: Lauryn Hill's Last Performance Before She Heads to Jail, as a Re-Education in Lauryn Hill

Date: May 16

Though Ja Rule was released from prison the previous week, it wasn't until this week that we saw his new physique. It's pretty damn obvious that he spent a significant portion of his two-year prison sentence working out. Way to make good use of your time. In addition to the added muscle mass, Rule now proudly sports the strongman T-Rex arms. He looks like an angry ant capable of tossing cars at his enemies with relative ease.

So after 10 years, several jokes at his expense and a stint in the joint, doesn't Ja look like he's finally ready to hand 50 Cent that fade that you know he's been waiting to deliver? 50 still has at least 6 inches on him, but if you put him on stilts he could probably go a few rounds. It's never too late to clap back. He'll spend the next two months under house arrest, so expect his rigorous workout routine to continue. For your own personal amusement, imagine a lovestruck Ja gazing at a container of Mass Gainer while screaming "WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?!" in his signature gravelly pitch.

If he can't resurrect his music career, people should holler at him to be their personal trainer. He can teach them all about pain and gain.—Julian Kimble

RELATED: Ja Rule Emerges From Jail

Date: May 15

Last week, we heard Birdman announce the resurrection of the Big Tymers, one of Cash Money’s staple groups during its formative years as a label. However, instead of Birdman linking up with producer Mannie Fresh, he instead suggested that the group would be reformatted, replacing Mannie with Lil Wayne and Drake. The announcement was met with a mixed reaction. As a commenter on the site pointed out, “Why ruin a perfectly good Drake album?”

Finally, Mannie Fresh checked in with MTV’s RapFix this week to offer his response to the announcement. The legendary producer offered some simple logic for why the new lineup for the Big Tymers could not be a new iteration of the group. "It's kinda like doing a Jackson 5 album with Boyz II Men," he pointed out, before going on to emphasize that he has no issues or beef with Birdman or anybody else at YMCMB. While quite exaggerated, Mannie does have a good point.

Furthermore, Birdman already has his Rich Gang project with Nicki Minaj, Weezy, Mack Maine, and Future. And wasn’t there a plan to release a sequel for Like Father Like Son with Wayne? Between those two projects, a possible solo album, making gigantic sports bets, and of course, rubbing his palms together, it seems as if the head honcho of YMCMB already has too much on his plate. Either that or he's losing track of the various projects he has in the air. Geriatric Money! —Dharmic X

RELATED: Mannie Fresh Says Drake & Lil Wayne Are "Not Big Tymers"

Date: May 15

No new friends? Try no new brands. Drake popped up on set at DJ Khaled's "No New Friends" video shoot in—gasp—a Dada Supreme short suit circa 1998.

Damn, Drake always has to take the attention at these video shoots, too. Poor DJ Khaled, he's in the back suffering from success and Rick Ross is letting his chest breathe in yet another white tracksuit with nothing underneath it. Out comes Drake like, "Heeeeeeeey, you guys remember Dada?!" Rozay is like "Ughhhh," and Lil Wayne is somewhere off in the distance yelping "Trukfit!"

Whatever, you get it. Damani Dada on Drake sent Twitter into a fury. Meanwhile, he was all over Teyana Taylor in the club the next night. Who wins this round? Drizzy Dada of course. —Lauren Nostro

RELATED: Twitter Reacts to Drake Wearing Dada

Date: May 15

Is nothing sacred? First it was Dr. Dre bringing out a 2Pac hologram at Coachella, then Jay-Z rocked with a high-tech video of Biggie at Barclays' Center. Now comes word that this summer's Rock the Bells tour will feature not one but two ghostly apparitions on the lineup. First an image of ODB will beam onto stage with the Wu Tang, and then RTB audiences will get to see Eazy-E at the crossroads with Bone Thugz.

Does the concept of "Rest in Peace" mean anything anymore? Oh well, at least the Rock the Bells business model is safe for years to come. Once they run out of "golden age" hip-hop acts to showcase they can just turn the whole thing into an animatronic hip-hop wax museum.—Rob Kenner

RELATED: Rock The Bells 2013 Will Have Virtual Performances by Eazy-E and ODB

Date: May 16

Earlier this week, we got all gassed when your boy Diddy tweeted that he had joined the case of Downton Abbey. It sounded believable: Diddy has been acting for years and why would he lie? Diddy even made the Downton Abbey logo his Twitter background, only adding to the idea he was for real. But then, mere hours later Salon reported that a rep from PBS had denied Diddy's claims. But the next day it all made sense: Diddy had in fact starred in a FunnyorDie clip called Downton Diddy. Internets, consider yourself trolled.—Insanul Ahmed

RELATED: Diddy Stars In His Own "Downton Abbey"

Date: May 16

In February of this year, word came around that rapper Tim Dog had died, through a now-unpublished article on The Source's website. We all mourned. We commissioned a fine obituary from J-Zone. We played the rapper's four-disc (!) greatest hits compilation. We celebrated his ouevre any way we knew how.

And then, earlier this week, one of the women who had been scammed by the late (?) rapper (he had been exposed for this practice on Dateline a few years back) suggested that Tim Dog was still alive, and that his "death" was, in fact, yet another scam. If true, this can mean only one thing: Tim Dog is the G.O.A.T. and all other contenders need to step back. Kanye might have debuted his new single on 66 buildings across the world...yawn. Call us when he fakes his own demise. —David Drake

RELATED: Did Tim Dog Fake His Death?

Date: May 16

Between March and December of 2011, Abel Tesfaye, aka The Weeknd, blessed the world with three essential, game-changing albums that he gave away for free. Last November he bundled them together, tossed in a few new joints, and offered them for sale as The Trilogy, moving over 250,000 units. The release of any new music by The Weeknd is an event, so "Kiss Land," the eight-minute title track from his first full album for Universal Republic, set the Internets ablaze. A return to familiar themes of sex and debauchery (second line: "When she put it in her mouth, she can't seem to reach my [insert sound of female scream]/Ballin's not an issue..."). If this first song is any indication, Kiss Land is gonna be one seriously sexy album.—Rob Kenner

RELATED: Listen: The Weeknd "Kiss Land"

Date: May 15-May 18

It's been a long week but there's one thing saving us all—Yeezy season. For some of us that brings anxiety, for others it brings it excitement—for him it's guaranteed to bring every emotion all wrapped together in one.

First it was the Met Gala, next the Adult Swim Upfronts at Roseland Ballroom; Friday night, his latest single "New Slaves" premiered at 66 locations across the world. And last night he played some little show called Saturday Night Live.

Sure, you had to be someone special to attend the secretive, invite-only events and see Kanye in person, but tell us there's anything more exciting than leaving the Bagelsmith on Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg with cream cheese hanging off your lip to turn a corner and see Kanye's face projecting against a brick wall on N. 7th Street.

There's something about standing on a street corner in Williamsburg (and yes, we're aware that he must have planned the irony of debuting a song called "New Slaves" in Williamsburg) and watching Kanye's face rap on a building. It will send chills through your spine, the ground feels like it's shaking, and you start mumbling lyrics even though you have no idea what's coming next. The songs looped twice, the vans closed up, and in less than 30 minutes the whole thing was over. People walked down Bedford not even realizing what just happened.

That's just how Kanye does it. That's what makes it so exciting for fans: We never know what to expect. This is a legendary artist in his prime. Enjoy it while it lasts. —Lauren Nostro

RELATED: Kanye West Is Performing at Roseland Ballroom Right Now