There's nothing quite like waking up to 1,900 pounds of cocaine.
The U.S. Coast Guard has announced the seizure of more than 1,900 pounds of coke, worth more than $44 million. Coast Guard officials uncovered the blow haul off the Pacific coast of South America after gathering various forms of snow-related intelligence from multiple law enforcement agencies, ABC News reported in a boringly-worded fashion Friday. This intelligence, the Coast Guard confirmed, resulted in the discovery of a "small vessel" loaded down with "bundles of drugs."
To initiate the seizing of the [I'm already running out of slang words for coke so insert your own here], someone fucked up the boat's engine by shooting at it from the comfort of a helicopter. The boat was then taken in by Coast Guard officials. Three individuals, one Ecuadorian and two Colombians, are now in custody facing drug smuggling charges.
This is far from the first time the words "coast," "guard," and "cocaine" have appeared together in quick succession. Lest we forget, Coast Guard d-bags literally put a bunch of seized coke on display over the summer, presumably just to fuck with us. "Our nation faces significant threats posed by transnational organized crime networks that spread violence and instability throughout the Western Hemisphere," Waesche boat commanding officer Capt. James Passarelli said of their 18-ton coke display at the time. "The crew of Waesche meets those threats head on as far from the U.S. border as possible."
Fun fact: Alcohol and tobacco regularly kill more people annually than all so-called "drugs."
