Image via Complex Original
Playboy kingpin Hugh Hefner's former girlfriends had their suspicions about the would've-been Mrs. Hefner, Crystal Harris, when Hef first announced their engagement. And, as it turns out, their suspicions (as well as the rest of the world's) were confirmed when she dumped him last week, just five days before their planned wedding date (yesterday). Coincidentally, that was also the same day she dropped her new single, "Club Queen." Pre-meditated? Obviously. Cold? That's an understatement.
While Hef has an entire catalog's worth of Playmates he can call upon for support, there's still a hole left in his aging heart that can only be filled by one. After all, given that he was about to marry Harris without a pre-nup, he seems more than eager to settle down. We know Hef is probably preoccupied with withdrawal and possibly knocking down glasses of Scotch while burning pages of Playboy's July issue, which Harris covers, so we've decided to do the work for him and suggest 10 Possible Rebound Chicks For Hugh Hefner. We'll be expecting requests to be Hef’s groomsmen whenever his next engagement is announced.
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Playboy kingpin Hugh Hefner's former girlfriends had their suspicions about the would've-been Mrs. Hefner, Crystal Harris, when Hef first announced their engagement. And, as it turns out, their suspicions (as well as the rest of the world's) were confirmed when she dumped him last week, just five days before their planned wedding date. Coincidentally, that was also the same day she dropped her new single, "Club Queen." Pre-meditated? Obviously. Cold? That's an understatement.
While Hef has an entire catalog's worth of Playmates he can call upon for support, there's still a hole left in his aging heart that can only be filled by one. After all, given that he was about to marry Harris without a pre-nup, he seems more than eager to settle down. We know Hef is probably preoccupied with withdrawal and possibly knocking down glasses of Scotch while burning pages of Playboy's July issue, which Harris covers, so we've decided to do the work for him and suggest 10 Possible Rebound Chicks For Hugh Hefner. We'll be expecting requests to be Hef's groomsmen whenever his next engagement is announced.
Ginger Lee
10. GINGER LEE
Recently referred to as the "forgotten porn star", Lee never really hit it big in the adult film industry. Despite her many featured titles, she somehow slipped under the public's radar. It wasn't until Congressman Anthony Wiener's recent scandal began that people without pervy tendencies learned about the ex-porn star.
While Weiner tried to sext her, Lee's statement said she would always steer the conversation towards politics. Thus, she's perfect for Hugh for two reasons: She has retired from sharing herself with other dudes, and he probably doesn't text.
Karissa and Kristina Shannon
9. KRISTINA AND KARISSA SHANNON
When Hef proposed to his number one girlfriend, Crystal Harris, twins Kristina and Karissa kindly moved out of the mansion and gave up their shared "girlfriend" title. However, based on TMZ and the Shannons' twitter, they've since moved back in. If he can't have Crystal, he should just re-up with this two-for-one package. Three-ways every night? My god.
Taylor Swift
8. TAYLOR SWIFT
Why should Hef date T-Swift? Well, why does any guy date her? Immortality. Even though he has the entire Playboy empire as his legacy, the most enviable guy on Earth is still missing one thing: a Top 40 Billboard hit entirely dedicated to him. Plus, with her height, blonde hair, and the fact that her name is Taylor, she seems like a Playmate-in-the-making to us already.
Betty White
7. BETTY WHITE
Hefner has tried it with the younger ladies, and, clearly, they just don't have the experience that's needed. White, on the other hand, could shake up the dynamic and be Hef's first cougar (or woman who's his own age). She could be the sugar mama who takes care of him for once, and, as an animal activist, she most certainly could take care of his zoo, too.
Emma Watson
6. EMMA WATSON
It's hard for us to believe this Harry Potter actress when she says she's having trouble finding love, mainly because she has never asked us out. But, OK, we'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the guy that won't be intimidated by her is one who has been around the block a few times; one that knows all the ways of romance because he's been practicing them since the 1940's. Also, think of all the Hermione/Dumbledore fan-fiction to be written!
Vanessa Hudgens
5. VANESSA HUDGENS
Hudgens was seventeen when her first round of naked photos leaked, but she's 22 now, and it's totally acceptable for Hugh to lend a hand and offer her a centerfold. And after three rounds of leaked photos, it's time for the Sucker Punch co-star to upgrade her hobby and go professional.
Ida Ljungqvist
4. IDA LJUNGQVIST
Ida was Playboy's first African-born Playmate of the Year in 2009, and the first to dedicate her title to philanthropy. Since that victory, Ljungqvist has worked with the community development outfit Empowerment Works.
As far as we know, Hefner has never had a girlfriend who wasn't tall, white, and blond. Maybe that's why none of his relationships have turned out the way he planned—he's only been sticking to one type of lady when there are so many to enjoy. We can't think of a better place to start than with the above Ljungqvist pic.
Lindsay Lohan
3. LINDSAY LOHAN
Given that Lohan's father is a meddling, crazy fame whore who just got hit by a bus (nothing serious, it only scrapped the side of his car), she's in desperate need of a good father figure, and Hefner is known to be a great paternal role for his girls. In fact, when Philadelphia Eagles' Hank Basset planned to marry Hef's ex, Kendra Wilkinson, he asked for her hand both from her mother and Hef. Also, dressing as one of Hefner's bunny-clad girlfriends would certainly be a better career choice than her pole-dancing was in I Know Who Killed Me. And her constant arrests are, in general.
Kelly Monaco
2. KELLY MONACO
Hef played a big role in getting Monaco's name in the spotlight, but she's taken it from there. Monaco is the only former playmate to rise to legitimate fame with her acting talent despite using her naked body to get her foot in the door. Hef needs a lady he doesn't have to tend to, and with Kelly's Daytime Emmy nominations for General Hospital and her Dancing With The Stars trophy, we think she's clean. This relationship would be all about love, not career-catapulting business.
Holly Madison
1. HOLLY MADISON
Madison was Hugh's main squeeze for years, which led Holly to think that he was going to marry her and, in turn, start a family. However, he was afraid to commit. When Hefner tweeted that he'd be screening Runaway Bride instead of marrying Crystal Harris, Madison tweeted in reply, "Wish I was there to support..." We do, too, because we love happy endings. Both literally and figuratively.
