10 Discontinued Fast Food Items We Want Back

The world of fast-food chains is one full of innovation. Change the channel and there's some new product staring you down, filling you with desires you didn't even know you had. Just a second ago you didn't realize you wanted those chips inside your burrito but now all you want is to eat the shit out of that. You're halfway to your car, not even wearing pants, not even with enough money to pay for the food thing, but dammit you will rob the sorriest of mothers to eat this.

But sometimes, in life, your desire is not strong enough to keep something in the world. Chains discontinue items, even though we don't want them to. Even though we cry and plead and start Facebook pages dedicated to their resurrection.

Here are 10 Discontinued Fast Food Items We Want Back.

RELATED: First We Feast - Fast Food Underdogs and Secret Menu Items

Served At: McDonald's

Life Span: 1978 to the mid-80s

Onion rings are great, but McDonald's understood that nugget offered a means of crisp flavor conveyance that rings lacked. Rings can get twisty. They can shed their breading sloppily. The nugget suggets a hunk of gold, a piece of real wealth gently and greasily nestled in the inviting red container that holds the fried delights of our collective youth. McDonald's used to make Onion Nuggets, just like we used to make something in this country. Say what's real: bend over and bring it back. Bring back onion nuggets.

Served At: McDonald's

Life Span: 1968-1992

This was only a question of health. Back in the day, McDonald's used to fry their apple and cherry pies (they're currently baked). We don't need to explain the difference between baking and frying to you. You understand that one is a fine means of cooking/warming while the other unlocks bliss like that cube from Hellraiser, except these fried pies offered real, exquisite taste and beauty. Not razored chains that peeled your face off. We vote yes for fried sweets and no for face peeling.

Served At: Burger King

Life Span: 1991-1991

"Stay in your lane" is the general wisdom of today, but in 1991 Burger King said, "What lanes?" They questioned the sheer existence of lanes in an epistemological detour that took the BK Lounge to a place that undermined the very notion of fast food. They offered table service. Literally, a person would bring you your food. They'd bus your table. They would wait on you. Can we try that, Burger King? Can you bring it back, for old time's sake?

Served At: McDonald's

Life Span: 1962-1963

In the early '60s, Ray Kroc, the man who made McDonald's into the titan we understand it to be, made a mistake. Well, first he made an important observation, then he made an error. The observation: Kroc noticed that sales consistently dipped on Fridays. Why? Catholicism. Catholics were abstaining from meat on Fridays, and thus choosing not to walk through the light the Golden Arches. Kroc was like, "I must stop this. The Catholics need McDonald's like they need the Eucharist." His solution: the Hula Burger, constructed just like a regular cheeseburger but with one fundamental difference: he swapped out the beef patty for a thick cut of pineapple. The sandwich did not prove to be popular enough, prompting Kroc to give the world the fish filet, which, many years later, gave us one of the more memorable lines on Watch the Throne.

Now that she can order fish filet, we'd like for the Hula Burger to come back, if only so we can try it. Can you imagine the weirdness? We dream about this shit.

Note: There are no images of this burger available on the internet. Sorry.

Served At: Taco Bell

Life Span: 2010-2011

This one is tough for us to talk about; the wounds are fresh and have not healed. It would be satisfying to be able to say that we'd had the ingenuity and food swagger to modify our Taco Bell burritos with Fritos before the advertisements told us we could. But we're on that plane level and TB is space shuttle. Now, in dimly lit kitchens at ungodly hours, we pop crinkly plastic bags of corn chips and pack our burritos full of texture. Sometimes our tears flavor the mix; we can't help but cry for the passing of the Beefy Crunch Burrito. There is hope, though. Taco Bell brought back the Crunchwrap Supreme due to popular demand. Might our demand for the BCB prove worth enough?

Served At: Burger King

Life Span: 1987-1987

In 1987, Burger King heard the call and gave us mini-burgers as part of their "Bundles" program. We imagine their borrowing the language of urban coat distribution programs (Project Bundle Up in Pittsburgh, for example) was deliberate, as packing small but dense sliders into our guts is a way of preparing for frigid falls and harsh winters. They also bundled us up with joy, as this commercial can attest to. Wait for the end—doesn't that little boy double-double fisting meat patties typify ecstasy? That's how we looked everyday for a few months in 1987.

Served At: Pizza Hut

Life Span: 1985-1985

Pizza Hut, in some ways the king of fast-food innovations, introduced this pie in the mid-80s with a series of advertisements chronicling the epic, sentimental history of the Priazzo. Borrowing heavily from the Italian Neo-Realist movement, the Priazzo ads depicted a small child, under the careful watch of her grandmother, making the pizza of the ages, a deep-dish knockout full of meatballs. We were blessed, if only for a short while.

Served At: Burger King

Life Span: 2005-2005

Burger King stopped making this mammoth breakfast sandwich because they care about us. The Enormous Omelet Sandwich weighed in at 330 milligrams of cholesterol and 1940 milligrams of sodium. We wanted to be crushed under the weight. Seriously, we sprawled out on top of a table at the BK Lounge and, like Giles Corey, said, "More weight." BK deaded the sandwich so that we could live.

Served At: Taco Bell

Life Span: Mid '70s to late '80s

For a while, Taco Bell decided to not think outside the bun. Instead, they wanted to fill the bun with a sloppy joe-type meat product and sell it to you as the Bell Beefer. Wanting to offer a product akin to the burgers served at the other major chains, Taco Bell put their taco meat to work. Though there are Facebook pages hard at work trying to bring back this sandwich, Taco Bell looms as silent and detached as a terrible god. We look up to the soundless purple bell of the logo, hands outstretched, and we get nothing in return. All we have are poorly thrown together recipes like this one, offering a shoddy way to bring it back. It's not the same.

Served At: McDonald's

Life Span: 1984-1991

The McD.L.T. is a fabled item for a bunch of reasons. One, the packaging was ludicrous. See, the conceit of the McD.L.T. was that the bifurcated container—two of the old Mickey D's styrofoam containers fused together like conjoined twins—kept your burger (the hot side) hot, and the lettuce and tomato (the cold side) cold. Two, the ad campaign included an appearance from a young Jason Alexander singing and dancing in the name of the hot side and the cold side. Put everything together and you have something so crazy it hurts our hearts to think that we can no longer purchase it. McD.L.T., we weep for you.