Video Game Characters Who Would Make The Best Dates
Don't fight 'em, wife 'em.
Image via Complex Original
Female video game characters are consistetnly objectified, fetishized, and, ultimately, reduced to cartoonish caricatures of real world sexuality.
But what if we promised to buy dinner before we started with the patriarchal oppression? Seriously, we're well behaved, modestly groomed, and our expectations are lower than most. We'd be utterly respectful and totally down to participate in open and meaningful discourse regarding women's issues. Video games have a long history of providing women that would make phenomenal dates.
They've probably got awesome stories about that one (million) time(s) they got stuck in that castle. Here is our list of Video Game Characters Who Would Make The Best Dates.
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10. Leah
Game: Diablo III
First Place We'd Take Her: Morton's Steakhouse
Why We'd Take Her There: The charring of meat would make her feel at home.
Don't front, dating a woman with dormant powers that could destroy the world is pretty damn sexy. More so, Leah is cool as hell and being stuck up about having the ability to vaporize everything surrounding her is the furthest thing from her mind. Leah is also about family as evidenced by her love for her uncle Deckard Cain. That's wifey material right there.
9. Eva
Game: DmC: Devil May Cry
First Place We'd Take Her: Denny's
Why We'd Take Her There: They've got the early bird specials on deck.
Dante's mom is a hottie but above all, she's a freakin' angel. That means you've got at least a foot, and if you're lucky a number of other body parts inside the pearly gates. Even if you can't take advantage of all the perks that come with dating an angel, you can still brag to your friends about how much more you know about the holy order than Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in the movie Dogma.
8. Serah Farron
Game: Final Fantasy XIII
First Place We'd Take Her: Steak N' Shake
Why We'd Take Her There: There's too much fun stuff to do other than spend time eating all night.
Nothing against Lightning, but her younger sister Serah has got more than raw beauty going for her. While Lightning can be a bit of a Debbie-Downer, with her around-the-clock agnst, Serah on the other hand has a more pleasant attitude and isn't afraid of having fun. The added bonus to dating Serah is that in a brawl she can still hold her own though she may not be as experienced in combat as ol' rock faced Lightning.
7. Sofia Hendrick
Game: Gears of War: Judgement
First Place We'd Take Her: A place where being bi-lingual is a plus.
Why We'd Take Her There: Asking for a double sized "number three" wouldn't impress her.
Once a journalist, now a soldier, Sofia Hendrick is another character with brawn and brains. Sof knows her way around a battlefield and understands the concept of loyalty and routine. Sofia is a straight-laced, stickler for order so a date to Five Guys probably wouldn't go over too well. Think more of a place with tablecloths and servers that let you smell the wine bottle corks.
6. Aveline
Game: Assassin's Creed Liberation
First Place We'd Take Her: Anywhere she wants.
Why We'd Take Her There: Making her angry would not end well.
Beautiful and smart, Aveline de Grandpre' is a trained assassin that would make quick work out of any beef that would raise its head. Let a drunken douchebag start scheming on a robbery attempt from across dancefloor. There would be no ruckus inside, no need to roun out and pop the trunk either. Aveline is so nice with the killer skills, she'd have them slumped in a bathroom stall long before the DJ gets to the height of the playlist.
5. Sorceress
Game: Dragon's Crown
First Place We'd Take Her: Wherever our ex is
Why We'd Take Her There: To drive the old boo insane.
When Dragon's Crown was released, women hated the exaggerated bodies of the female characters in the game. Sorceress happened to be one of the most loathed and that's just why she'd be perfect to take out. Not only because of her looks but because if an ex-girlfriend got one look at her, the jealousy would be enough to make steam shoot out of both her ears. It's petty but so is dumping someone for a so-called video game addiction.
4. Tonya Wiggins
Game: Grand Theft Auto V
First Place We'd Take Her: White Castle
Why We'd Take Her There: It's cheap and fast, just like her.
Tonya is one of those women that dudes date on the low. No one wants to be with a crackhead--except for another crackhead--but in all honesty, Tonya doesn't look too bad and according to her she's trying to get clean.
3. Lara Croft
Game: Tomb Raider
First Place We'd Take Her: A vegetarian restaraunt
Why We'd Take Her There: Lara needs a break from stuff that used to run.
Lara Croft might be tough, down-to-earth and has the rustic charm as Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games but as someone who got shipwrecked and faced with starvation, forced to eat Bambi's extended family, there will be some baggage to deal with. All good though, a nice and relaxing dinner at a vegetarian restaraunt will be a step in the right direction. Pass if Lara offers a massage, those are the hands that have been grinding against rocks for days and have been become like sand papered hacksaws.
2. Bayonetta
Game: Bayonetta 2
First Place We'd Take Her: A spot with an extensive bar.
Why We'd Take Her There: Bayonetta drunk would be the most circus-like sexcapade ever.
Since the last time Bayonetta strutted around on the tongues of fans like a celebrity red carpet, the Umbra witch has gotten slightly more conservative with a new, shorter hairstyle and wardrobe. Bay's gear is still inappropriate as hell but what else would you expect from a woman who has a long standing beef with heaven? Like the late big homie Rick James said in "Super Freak," she not the kind you bring home to mother. If a guy/girl is brave enough to kick it with a strong-willed woman who can summon demons on a whim, Bayonetta is a dream come true.
1. Elizabeth
Game: BioShock Infinite
First Place We'd Take Her: A rapper's album release party.
Why We'd Take Her There: Songbird trumps any car made any year.
Liz has her load of daddy issues but it doesn't seem to have affected her that much. At least the Lamb of Comstock isn't feature dancing at an underground strip club in Columbia. Elizabeth comes from a wealthy household and spent most of her life reading so she's no dummy. Songbird, her giant, flying metal security guard is the ultimate in baller transportation. Throw a pair of rims over Songbird's eyes and there wouldn't be any car or plane that could compete.